Bantutu's Bits

Present

2008-08-30T15:22:00.000+03:00

Kuko vepe wadhii na warembo.....Masilence tu ndo zangu uku...msijali kijana ni kaa amerudi. Niliwagaa nikitembea tembea planet blogos kama kawaida ndo nikacheki cheki kuna haja ya kujirudisha uwanjani bannnaaaaa!!! Kuna kiangazi! Hehehe!
I don't if you ever...Izi mambo za kingoso ngoso on mia reinitiation...So kuna updates za paka...Nimepata ma-addition kwa fammo yangu ya paka...Ma subtraction kwa famo yangu, :( lala fit switness...
So now am just going to say something real fast. Death brings some considerable amount of clarity to the ones left behind, Arghhh!! I still can't say something serious withouttaking a detour as soon as I start...Anyways am distracted, am watching antz...
Last week niliwaga naenda tao saa moja. Saa tuliwaga kwa izi matt za esKpirience...zenye zimeona roadi mzuri...Saa iliwaga mimi na ka mthama flani (nadhani aliwaga akienda job ama kitu kaa io, aliwaga na zile bag za nguvano..) alafu mlevi flani...Saa rafta si akaanza kuitisha mkwanja, matha akatoa yake, mi yangu...alafu boyz wetu...heheh!! Amelala...Saa condi anajaribu kumwamsha...inablanda...anajaribu, hadi nanii wetu akaamka, "Tumefika?" ...."We leta pesa!!" amechapiwa scope ingine olympic class na condi, so anyway jamaa wetu nikacheki ameinama akatoa njumu, harufu tee...ndani ya sokiso ndo alitoa note ya rwabe...mannn condi aliiangalia, ju fare iliwaga mbao akasare tu...
Man nilicheka io usiku...
We acha niende...Keki flani zimeningoja.

Trutap

2008-06-02T13:29:00.001+03:00

I am testing this phone blogging thing. And well i think its neat. Am taking my affair with blogger to 4th base. I saw this app on getjar and it grabbed my attention. Trutap.
Back to school blues for me meanwhile.
I used to love her

Sent from my phone using trutap

For Cheri...

2008-03-26T18:18:00.000+03:00

Trapped in this matrix feeling like am in a locked box, with this small window affording me a minimal but yet picturesque-enough view to the vibrant world out there, going on with no inkling of a clue that I exist...This version of me at least. And Lauryn Hill isn't helping either,
“Come on baby light my fire...Everything you drive is so tired, Music is supposed to inspire..
So How come we ain't gettin'no higher” ~Superstar, Mis-Education of Ms. Hill~
So anyways I need to find my “Brrrrrh” before I “Brrrrh” right out of this currently barren existence. Something revolutionary, something errrrr...Out of the Box..Heheh!! Likes of Tibet and Cosovo, I needs to gets my liberation on-from this lethargic excuse of a mental presence.
Soothing sonnets of sorrow so mellow, stroking my stuffed...You see what am talking about!! I NEED TO DETOX!! And fast! I guess this is as opportune an avenue as any to stage my claustrophobe blues.
Away from the glare of my people's ears...Away from people's skeptical gazes, and clever deductions. In this dark bunker, I will work it all out. Without their help, your's too. Normally I don't do this, I just get my monologue on and after a session with Dr. Phil a la Bantu, am usually all giddy and back to my usual self. But today is different, I feel this void growing and encroaching on almost every faculty of my usually not so bad thinking thing(ie). The dark horizon is looming ever so closer with sinister speed, and the scary thought of what next is all my mind has been delicately trying to sass out, of late. Late, it is late indeed, too late for procrastination, it is here and it is staring me dead wrong in the face...And it won't badge until I've applied my bongo bongo in producing a proper predisposition to elaborately do away with it. So here in the confines of mine ranting-dome, I will strip right down to my birthday swim suit and reveal...My mathe is stylish like that, amphibian-man. “The Voodoo she doo” Hihih!! Ok. Train of thought seriously getting derailed. Like I was saying, reveal the source of this melancholic rave.
Or not.
On a totally different note, KTN should know that having a weather gal is very important for wholesome enjoyment of evening news, this business of switching to KBC (First its on a very weird channel on my remote-68, then they conclude their news earlier than the other networks... i.e. NTV and KTN usually that time mine eyes are usually fixated solidly or should I say stolidly, hehe! on some Business News Damsel's legs n all, on either of the latter networks but with an inclination to a particular one of them, anyway it makes catching Ms. Pauline Masese a slight problem) for their very informative weather report, LOL!! What with the satellite images, the detailed weather report, the peace and development messages...They even quote the source of their info!! We...I mean I surely need something like that on KTN...
Keep up the good work Ms. Masese, You've kept me captivated for quite some time now.

Yeah the disillusionment is setting in very elegantly. It really is scary to not know that you don't know but at least there is bliss in ignorance, now when you know you don't know the equation takes on new variables and its balance is put under review because now angst is all you'll know. Big stupid tumultous thoughts will become I.D.P.s in yours oblongata and the torture begins.

Papa Shirandula has properly earned its niche in my wall of Kenyan Productions Hall of Famers...Right there with akina Tahamaki and Tahidi High...Wilperforce Shirrrrrantula ni mtetli(m-deadli) fingine pwana!! Aiiii!!!
Now I've been inauspiciously tagged and the way am an open book. By now everybody has done the tag so am the exception to the rule(s?).
1. I think I need glasses I recently noticed that I waas struggling to read that ninii I was reading.
2. I stopped sleeping...nude when a female relation of mine took drastic measures (pulled away my beddings) in the name of jolting me from the world of magegania, needless to say she saw magegania herself. Now I go to bed over dressed like those US soldiers in eye-raq with the chilling image of her reac....Ok. When I say chilling I don't mean...aaaah Shindwe-ni!! Heheh!!
3. I be geek; albeit in a non-geeky mtaa way.
4. I can't do a tag with out stating that I'm scared pantless of roaches.
5. I can't for the love of ingokho slaughter a chicken so you can imagine my predicament this easter.
6. If I could be any animal I wanted, I wouldn't. I would rather be an insect...or better yet an arachnid yes, complete with venom and all the stops...pincers, claws et cetera, perhaps a scorpion, those things inspire fear. But that compound eye thing really rocks, so yeah I wouldn't mind being a bee.
7. Please allow me to do another “If”... like you have choice. If Bantutu was the first man and I was told to name everything, I would have called roaches some exotic Swahili word...like Ughaibuni alafu si the Bible could be colourful ati Bantutu and Eve?
8. For number eight how about some graphic evidence.

May the force be upon you, or is it with you?
944.

Kwetu

2008-02-27T16:00:00.003+03:00

Niaje WaKenya...na pia wale si waKenya,mko vepeee!!. Waaaah!!

Io ni mimi nikipumua juu yenyewe niliwaga nimefungia mafikra mia kadhaa hadi saa izi. Lakini acha tucheki Morgan Anan ama ni Koffi Freeman...kaa ataeza kutandika io bandage vifiti mathaland iache ku-bleed.

Ii valentino(yani si I'd written this kitambo, thanks for noting) sijui RED ilikuwa colour ya ma-lové ama ni ile damu iliwaga imemwagika, kitu najua upendo iko. Kaa venye mi nawapenda.....nyo..nyote

Nakumbuka ii noma saa zenye ilianza ilibidi nimekwenda kusukuma mawiki na kuzo yangu uko Umo. Saa kitu ilinishaga na io time ni venye tuliwaga tunasota kishenzi. Alafu unajua tubidhaa bidhaa tuliwaga tumepandanga bei. Ati airtime ya chwani 70/- Maziwa 50...fyanje!!...na bei zingine apo funni funni. Saa si mambo zilizuka kitu Sunday ivi...io Wednesday asubuhi ivi, tuliwaga tumebakisha ka40 bob pekee. Kuzo hufwaka. Iliwagga imefika point ingine dezine hangengoja, kiu ilikuwa imetach baze wazimu. Saa juu iliwaga ile coin ya 40 bob na ni mi niliwaga nayo, jamaa akanikamia kuniskizisha ati nimkanje akanunue “bre?-breko” (Heheh!!)...tu-mahamri ivi ivi. Mi niliwaga najua ujanja yake kwa ivo nikamwambia nitaenda kununua mi mwenyewe. Jamaa kuona hatoboi kuni-convince ni mpatie ile 40, akaamua ataniwai push hadi kwa duka....Man! Si tulikutanga maduka karibu zote around io area zimetingwa, zingine zimefanyiwa 'ukarabati'. Lakini matha mwenye aliwaga akipika tule tumahamri...aliwaga amefungua. Kwenda kununua mahamri anatwambia sijui ati 12 bob, samthing tulikuwa tuki-buy ngovo...Asi! Saa mi nafanya thafu kwa kichwa venye tutamanga breko na nifike mtaani kuangalia kaa naeza sakanya ka-mkwanja mdogo ata kaa ni ya siku mbili...Napata maDeficit tu...kuzo akauliza yule mthama kaa aliwaga amebakisha fwaka/fegi. Saa mi nikamwangalia nashindwa nimwabie nini...Mathe akamwambia ziko. Kuskia ivo..

Kuzo(K): Aaah We! Mi ninunulie Safari tatu na Big G...staki ma-amri...

Mimi: Kwani leo unavuta Safari?

Aliwaga akivuta SuperMatch.

K: Kaa utanunua Emba sina tabu.

Mimi: We kwanza acha nifikirie...

K: Unafikiria nini?! Si ni ndeki(10) tu!!

Mimi: We unajua bado nafika mtaani leo?

K: We du ivi, mpatie io kinde, Tutafikiria risto yako badae...

Mimi: Tutafikiria nini mdosi, we unajua nina 40-bob!!

K: Mama Mtunga Safari unauza ngapi?

Mathe: Tatu shilingi nne...

Mimi:Aki ya nani na venye nina njaa! Mathe si utupatie ma-amri tutakulipa leo jioni...

Mathe akatingisha kichwa...

K: Wee Kaa unanjaa utapika sembe kejani...ninunulie feggi bana!!

Saa ii huskii nikatoa ile 40 bob nikaambia yule mathe anipatie mahamri mbili...(Za uyu Mathe, ukidishi mbili nikaa nne za kawaida). Ukweli ni; kuzo huwaga hapiki, io unga ya sembe ni mi niliwaga nimeletanga...na iliwaga karibu kuisha.

K: Na uongeze feggi mbili basi...

Yule matha kumbe aliwaga na dezine zake ulterior kwa interior yake...Akachukua ile 40 bob...alafu afta kuiweka akaniambia ati Domi(Kuzo) aliwaga na deni yake ya feggi ya 30 bob. Matha akapatia Domi Safari mbili...Saa ii mi nimeshtuka ata sikuleta tafash...Domi kimechapanga kiSmilo stupid tu...Mama Mtunga akanirudishia 7 bob...Nikamwambia anipatie ma-gum io shilingi saba...Io day nilikulanga ma-gum breko. Alafu mabadae nikachapanga guu ingine Olympic class...toka Umo hadi mtaani (Hukoooo...Hehehe!!), through Buru, Jerri na Marish.

Mafikra, ngumu kama kupokonywa ubikra-Sewer

Wacha ata mimi ni niseme venye nimechukianga awa wanasaisa, WOTE!! Wote ni maNgamia bila mikia. Ata io ni sifa..Aki ya nani awa mafisi hawataki kuacha kutunyad pande zote...Ata saa ii wanazidi kuleta sheshe kwa izi ma-talks za Anan badala ya kufikiria venye watapata majibu, na ma-resolution ili wathii watulie angalua mdogo...ma-arrow ziache ku-fly, Ma-freesk waache ma-massacre na umati itulie in general. Niliskianga msomi flani akisema ati ii ni vita ya social Justice...mi nilionanga iyo ikiwa ukweli kiPlani...Lakini mi si msomi kwa ivo sitabonga juu ya mafikra za wengine.

I once watched this Indian movie...how fast can you say “Bolly is Big”, thing about it was there was an offal (<<--Io spelling maze!!) lot of razor blades in that movie...one scene; a guy's (protagonist I think, me memory needs an upgrade) jaw is forcefully held open by this sweaty guy...I remember because he(the sweaty one) kept losing his grip on our guy's chin...aniwei the Otero (Bad Guy) skillfully goes ahead to slit the corners of his (the one held) mouth with the Nasset blade he has in his hand. Now the sweaty bugger loses his grip again and our guy, understandably feeling like the trio in the fiery furnace, jerks his head again from the agony and the blade slices further into his cheek.....Rrrrrrya!!!! Ama its Shweee!...Ok. I think the ideal sound is Shwaaa!! I'm not sure whats more unsettling...that the blade was Nasset or ammm that the guy's smile had been enlarged somewhat, in the crudest of ways. I just hate Razor blades from that time...especially the Nasset kind(red).

So...aah..shaving cream...Hihihihhihi!!! Ok. I can't go on...I'm laughing too hard...Ati shaving cream...Modo ukiongea wewe!! Hihihihih!!!

Ombea Kenya...scratch that Ombea Wakenya..

Inaonekana wewe ni mutu ya gufu kama umemalisa kusoma hii...

Wacha Ikamm...

2007-11-29T16:26:00.000+03:00

Remember that legendary 'S' kubwa with a -tart and -top juu then chini respectively (Yes I still encounter those), the eerie silence, the panic, tension, anticipation and all 'em other thick emotions associated with exams? Well I'll have a series of those coming in a couple hundred hours. Whats that they say about being a student and relating it with a full time job? Yeah, I affirm that anecdote 101%, am going out of my head with with some-emotion-I-haven't-gotten-a-word-for-yet because I have work up to there...and then some more. Really this whole exam thing is just screwed up...the education system is a bunch of people with trust issues. The wanafunzis don't trust their mwalimu because they are not really sure how don't-even-get-me-started with those integrals factor into their lives thereafter, and if you're planning on giving me that everything-you-learn-is-important speech, please save it for when my scholastic mood isn't on edge. And the T.A.'s don't trust that the students are interested in what they are raving about, hence statements like: “There will be a C.A.T. next week, I want all the assignments (6) handed in by noon tomorrow...and I hope you've not neglected your projects because today I'm collecting the proposals..” are not scarce.
Well exams tend to have this effect on me, for the most part I find them, annoying, unnecessary, stress-inducing, time-consuming, energy-expending, inconvenient, bad-with a few sprinklings of good, discriminative, primitive, vengeful (the T.A.'s showing you they can make your life miserable), but perhaps the opinion I hold most important is they are...that right there is me trying to transition and find some good in them...won't happen! They are like getting on a treadmill with stilettos, like ugali with too much water, like your first audition (I once auditioned for...ammm I'd rather not say, it wasn't pretty), like public sanitation, like roaches, like that time you decided to wear white and it rained and that lancer chose to ignore all matters etiquette and your clothes transformed to canvas-that time you're in tao.
Lakini hamna noma.

Crap!! I need to sleep!! Today I will tell him...
I will tell him to keep it down (a lot of good that'll do), he screams louder than his nanii, for crying out loud!!
It keeps me awake....
With me, myself and my thoughts...

They just walked in...

She gave me sunshine for every drop of rain, pain dissolved in the warmth of her embrace.... Shhhhhhhhh.....she's gone now.

The Bleeeuws

2007-11-10T18:13:00.000+03:00

Na mnajua ugonjwa ya kukosa cha kusema uko na wengi kwa ivvo si ati ii ni post ina magurudumu...
Aniway I'm really getting tired of geussing what people (read person) think...just be direct fi cryin out loud!! "I don't want to go today I'm tired...." Alafu unanijamia kaa Norman Nyaga [hehehe!! Mnakumbuka akinyang'anyana MiC ile rally alimezeshewa] na kumezeshewa inamaana kuwa aliletewa noma....Back to school y'all.
Ka-pussi kako fit!! Yani niliendanga mtaani last week and that cat has grown big!!! Her coat...black and white....is looking look-at-able kabisa!!
Za pussi zimeziddi...
Errrrrmmm....kichwa nimesugua yani....Aaaaaah!!! Cmoon niko ICU ya mafikra juu na(m)waza, kwa ivo usitie shaka.....

Kwani4 rocks!!....or so I've heard....please pretty please Wacha niisome before this month ends...Are you listening? You who should organise some mikakati, to arrange that I am arranged in the plan of reading it?
Bana acha nijikate.

-versary

2007-10-08T22:10:00.000+03:00

I actually twangaad 1 jchear on Blogos land and din't even commemorate it. Well Maskan iko ivvi eh...Belated -versary!! Na usidai ati haushikanishio kilami...siku izi wadhii walistrike kusoma kikwetu, kwa ivvo tunakwenda pole pole tu au vepe? So I'll try to keep this short and shorter still. Over the last year I have come to know, fellowsh....Ok.!! There's something seriously wrong with how that sentence was proceeding. "Take two" Nimejua, nikabonga na, hadi nikacheki baadhi yenu...Na juu sina ithaa sita wataja majina juu mnaji(ni)jua. Kwa ivvo ii iliwagga kusema shukran...
I want to announce that from heare henceforth I promise to unfalteringly stand true to my.....Heheheeheh!!!! I had you there ama? "Look at you!! All expectant and ishh!! Hahahaha!!"
Alafu niwaulize...Whats the standard reaction when you meet....naaah!! Scratch that!! Ahsanteni tena nyi wote...Alafu si there's a way I'm feeling like Jonah after coming out of the whale's belly...
"Bantu!!! Alluding to zee Bibilia...Hmmmm..." Haiya ninajiupgrade, umeni vako tu, mtajikuta hamna lips...Badae.

2007-08-21T17:33:00.000+03:00

I don't think I'm in any position to say anything that will remotely resemble sense, let alone even saying it coherrently. So I'll just ramble...but don't I always? So the new G-TV ad (It IS new ama?) isn't half bad. The whole TV set jumping from the many storeyed building is a bit far fetched, needless to say the people gathered at the foot of the building...Ok. I am complimenting it not playing skeptic, Yes!! I loved it!! Did you see how it(T.V.) was inching close to the edge? Priceless!!
Alafu...ofcourse there's BBA...which honestly I haven't watched save for the very first show where the housemates were arriving...That Meryll!!....that Meryll...Hehehe!! Ana moto...So Big Brothha Blogger anione? C'mooooon!! We can make Guest-blogger the janitor, and Kirima can be Big Bro, being a spirit n all...Anibody with me? No? Yeah thought so too...hehehe!!
“Ushaai chotwa na Gari?”, remember We Kamu? Baas...I don't know but off late I'm liking Nonene more than usual. Na sibongi juu ya Nonz na kilami, Yani amenichota na ndae!!...So ii ngoma inajiita Ngoma yako nakwambia imenisugua viproppa...Bonge la hit! Hamna tafash, najua wengi wenu washindwa naipendea nini..lakini kusema ukweli sina sababu...io kitu inaniwasha tu...Intrumento zimetandikwa zikalala kushinda diago za Dorcas. Che—che-nye-nye-nye-nye—nye....Ati: “FM maanake Free Musik ndo maana watu album hawanaaaa!!” Mbuyu amembao!!!
Alafu ati wadhii hawakumesea ile risto nilikaranga na kingoso? Hehehehe!!! Sicheki ati juu hamkuelewa, nacheka juu sikueleweka ...Saa ninii iliwagaa juu ya uyu boyzz wangu flani flani...saa msee aliwagaa amepata waxx kwa Babbi flani (Baba Nani yani) kukata fence, saa aliwaga amedunga ma-gumboots za green. Akitrim trim trim ivi akachapa tawi flani nyuki zilikuwa zimejenga mzinga...mzinga yenyewe iliwagga inafanana na nyungu...ndo maana nilishinda nikibonga stori za POT POT...Venye m-guys alichapanga ile branch, si nyuki zikasambaruka....Jamaa akaanza kaguu...Bratha alitimua wazimu akajiswika ndani ya nyumba ya yule mdosi kaa mshale, chwap!! Saa binti(Nani), daughter ya uyu mdosi aliwagga maskan...kumbe dada alikuwa na dezine na bo-? Boyzz!! Kuingia jamaa ashaaletewa LEMON juice (ya Green)...amezungushwa hao...alafu akapelekwa bedroom yake dame. Saa jamaa si akahakikisha mali ameweka sahihi vishwari...Lakini wakiwa mchezoni mdosi akaingia...kukuta ma-gumboot za green kwa hao, na dadake akibatizwa kwa joto badala ya moto, na bado kwa mate badala ya maji...Mashallhaah!! Io ndo illikuwa kitimbi.
Aniway siasa zinazidi ku-evolve...farasi, punda, sasa ni nugu...TDMK? Tremor Democratic Movement Kenya...
Why is karma such a stupid bi**hy mistress? Somebody screws you over...when it comes back to you...you don't have the guts to reciprocate the sentiments because you've gotten some sick attack of morality... “Ishh!!! You are one lucky ngamia wewe...if only I had half the spine!! Ungependa..” The world works on some really crappy princples. I mean the bugger who does the least work gets the...”Bantu get a hold of yourself!!!”
Hey, do you remember Stackofstiffy's Sleazy Wishbin? Well ermmmm...I was thinking of that Samba Mapangala track-Vunja Mifupa? Yeah and a couple of mental pictures flashed...
“Methu please quit the Kuku-dance man!! Aiyai yai!! Is that Gish jerking her shoulders like an Isikuti drummer? Walala!! Mishaaale don't!! Just don't!! Whip out your penguin and get busy in getjar, hihihih!!! Uuuuuiii!!! Dooaz is hopping like Bob Marley in the 1978 Berlin concert...lakini Dooaz, chunga io Vodowski utamwagilia wao warembo mbele yako, too late, Run man run!! Bomsella heheheh!!! Aki daddi kiuno ikikataa kupindika usijichoshe...and let go of your belt, we already figured out why the buckle is moving, now Inexess, the MC Hammer moves are getting a tad excess, heheh!! Ok. Methu I didn't mean you unleash cheer-leader moves on us, keep your hands away from your hair!! Hihihhih!! Now Betty is actually...Ok. I take that back...Don't trust Bomseh to spin you...Nooooooooooooooooo...Ouch!! Nusu what are you trying...do not lift that leg! Do not...Ok.. . .Saved by the DJ (Nakeel)...ati Naxx Supremacy Taiking Uover, mo faya? Weeeee!! Wacha watu waendelee kuvunja mafupa. Mwas bado anasweat ku-catch-up na Unyc...UnGEM is...wo wo wo...breakdancing!! Sheesh...alafu that move with the camera! Ok. I spoke too soon...peng'ele!! Mocha-kwanza with that skirt, ile ya chapo(Mocha 2007) ameenda kusympathise, and along the way some serious mi...I mean mafupa are being broken. Mtulima ebu tuonyeshe...ehe...eh...”
Aki ya nani...it would be one visual fiesta.I was looking forward to WaPI….but was sooo late for the thing I only caught like 30 minutes of it. (Nilikuwa kwa Jammm jogoo road!!! Hehheheh!!)
I'm trying to learn sign-language, theres no alphabet song here to help you. I so far have “I” down...I meaning me that is.
~Conquer your desire, I DARE YOU~

The Colour Green.

2007-08-11T15:18:00.000+03:00

He wore green boots. Which would have made perfect sence, what with him being a vegeterian , nature-lover and all that revolutionary-wonna-be and Wangari-Mathai-ish thing he had going. But it just didn't (the green). See, green also stood for everything glum and melancholic in his miserable existence.
His Mother (wasn't green you dummy!!!) was ermmmm...how do I put it...mentally inca...ca..capacitated? Yeah something like that...this is whre the green angle chips in; she's crossing some road in her estate waving to the salon-lady that does her hair, and out of nowhere....no no...from her left...a green Telkom 4 by 4 slams into her side...not hard enough to kill her though, her fall damaged her spinal collumn...and she's paralysed. His hospital visits were also haunted by that doggarn colour...she had green apparel lying on that bed...motionless, but not helpless...she couldn't move her limbs and wasn't in control of her bowels...and all faculties south of her neck...but Goodness she could manouevre that trap.
Then there was the mamasiKSta he'd had the reddest hots for ever. She dumped him in a most horrid way. I mean...he really liked that top...It was soo ammmm...Guthda!! He liked it on her, and getting her out of it...he even had a name for it, "Bubblewrap" (Don't ask...I dint get it either..) well it doesn't matter now because it was Green.
Did I forget to mention that the said boots were wellingtons? I hate it when people do that: "Did I forget to tell you that am a lesbian?" And you've already bought her 3 black Ices and take-away prospects seem very set, Does she want me to punch her bleeding lights out!!...and she looks sooooooo...aki ya nani!!!!
IF YOU FORGOT...Mmmmh....suddenly I don't know what to put here...
He had been working on Baba Nani's fence for the whole morning; 3 hrs, until the bees. Now bees especially when they are many, are really scary. He's swingning the machete "Rúbanga" at the cypress hedge/fence (this mtu nyumbani writing is harder than I thought), when he hits a branch. This particular one happened to have, neatly suspended on it.....a bee-"for the lack of a better word"-pot, YES! pot, It was shaped like one...so DUH!!! So he rattles the branch consequenly the "Bee-pot". The buggers erupt like Mt. Kúaga Bata (Etna heheheh!!! WaSapere ka-Sidebar na hapa)...Bzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!
Now Baba nani, the nani being a certain young lady with many a unit of hot, has a really big house. That house is so big its the only thing he saw when the buggers broke out.

The one point five hrs between the bees and the time Baba Nani threw the green boots(wellingtons) at him wishing that he had a shotgun, alot had happened. He'd gotten acquinted with nani, received a generous house-tour, two glasses of juice( call it pushing but the juice was green, hehe!!), 3 rounds of "Umbha Rhumba" with Ms.Nani(not the maid! NANI), and Baba Nani had come back home with something that really stunk like fish.

On other issues...You know that thing about smiling requiring fewer face muscles than frowning? I think its a load of crap. Try smiling for 30 minutes straight and tell me then how relaxing it is...
Who's watched that musical, The Colour Purple?

Changu...

2007-07-25T18:33:00.000+03:00

Am tempted to say something really senseless just to prove to myself that I might be officially back to planet blogos. Tempted. Well I want to borrow your cognitive domains kidogo, IMAGINE- you have a marathon/grand prix cold, which you got from homeland, and its Sunday and you are “going-back”, back to the big town. At the stage, the mat is one person short and you know how WE all just love that mistress, punctuality. So you smile get on and sit…It’s the sandwich seat at the diabs of the 14-seater mat. The moment you get settled-in, your nose sermons…so awkward manoeuvres to retrieve a non-existent kitambarra follow. The not-so-amused-not-so-supuu Supuu next to you on your left, doesn’t take kindly to under-cushion explorations of her “cushy-cushion?”…Its not there…Before venturing to the pockets on the Eastern hemisphere, the Raftta/Koncoddi/conductor happens. The fare is usually kept in the breast pocket, but the t-shirt and blue Adidas jacket that you have on has no breast pockets…so today the fare was banished to the back pockets.

Nose!!

Conductor!!

So you manage to find a suitable hold position for your head-tilted upwards at an approx. angle of 20 degrees to keep the mobile matter in the nose and hold it long enough to retrieve the 2-chwani/2-hundred+fifty KSh( Where are you from anyway!!) from your nether pockets-your left nether…that is next to hers, or is it hers that’s next to yours? Fusillade of moto moto glares from Miss Neth-xt to you-she’s now convinced you’re out to chambua her bottom on the guise of pocket-prospecting, but you’ve finished with the koncoddi at least. Now the matter…the nose matter is threatening indecent exposure…You look forward…blink and at that moment you know you only have one option…look left..“almost”, you can still feel her sternness in the look you imagine she’s giving you…then you look right and resort to the only thing left to do….Ng’rrrrrrrr!!!! And look up to the stained roof of the mat like a giant roach just scuttled across…

The rules:

You post the rules…These rules. And do it before you reveal you.
Tagees should write 8 things about themselves, type them, then post them…or you could do all the above in one “What do you call itttt!!! WEBSTERrr!!! Weaa art thou!”
Number 3 was basically a summary of 1 and 2? Ama vepe Modo?
Yaaaah then at the end, you should pick 8 prospective tagees, then list their names-on your post of course.
You’re supposed not suppose that the tagees are groupies of yours and post a comment at theirs telling them that they have been tagged.

ONE: I am left handed & left legged but I still click mice with my right, wear my watch on the left and generally act normally left. No you don’t want to see calligraphy done with my right hand; your eyes might suffer a panic attack, or even go into biblio-depression.

TWO: I’m absolutely scared fearless of roaches. This you know abundantly…there I go supposing again…I am

THREE: “You know I always thought you were a mamma, a sheng’-speaking-mamma…” It could be said, something close to that has been said, Soooo, I am a guy.

FOUR: Mi na like Chapo mi na mi na like Chapo…so much that breakfast was Chapo Chai, lunch will be chapo mchuzi and so will Supper…SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE!! I love Chapo!! Mi nazipeleka mouth, ukizipeleka choo…

FIVE: This is big. I Bantu…just Bantu thank you-can’t swim. I once almost drowned in a frog-infested-stream, people don’t believe me when I tell them I was 9. Now move on to six NOW!!

SIX: I am a huge believer in good…the good in people…the good in animals…the good in the death of Roaches…hmmmm…MungikiS have so much in common with roaches...I could give you chance after interminable chance before my patience wears thin… “Do they have 20-smthn year old guy kindergarten teachers?” The point was I like to see the good in them, before I bash their shortfalls…BantuTma Gandhi. But please don’t test me.

SEVEN: I love cats!! Speaking of…the kitty, the kid-kitty yani, is Ok. It gets mrembo with every sunset. Most of you probably don’t know this… “Did you know that Lt. Gen. Dedan Kimathi was a cat enthusiast. He had this grey and white cat that he went around with called….” Of course am just having fun with number seven…Rub (And Mishale don’t mistake this for Sunku’s underside) a cat’s belly…especially if it has tits and you’ll have the ka-pussy beat!! They love this!! But hey am just saying…and so we’re clear, I don’t hate dogs…I just don’t have pleasant memories with them.

EIGHT: I don’t think hell is a hoax, I really don’t.

I ammm all the people already wrote posts!!! well almost...

1.Mishale-Don't you just hate me...Heheeh!!!

2.~~Mwas~~

3.~~Princess~~

4.Gladys.

5.InExes(Zaidzaid)

6.UnGEM.

Nusu Mbili=Nusu Two

By Differentiation According to the third law of Bantuic Nomenclature, we have:

from pronunciation basics: Two=Too=To=Tu

Therefore: Nusu Two EQUATES to Nusu Tu

7.~~NusuTu.~~

8.Milo.

So after the nasty sound…you know there is definitely bound to be a squealing sequel…and you get the concoddi to stop the mat…You just saw a hawker…he has handkerchiefs…it had to be done at all costs. He’s on your left, Yes, that window. How fast can you say Triple By-pass surg..I mean move.

Safari imekatika.

Pang'ang'a Tu

2007-07-11T19:03:00.000+03:00

My hands are on loan so I’ll hush this up real quick.

Don't Be fooled; THAT!! ^^^(yani hapo juu) is nothing like the one below...

So anyway, mnakumbuka weekendi ya Madaraka? Saa io Sato. Mtaani kuliwagga na kasagga flani flani kalinishika tu vinginevo. Mnakumbuka ile Risto ya Mwas/nJeiEm ya stunt za latrine juu ya kumanga mtura ya mJomaica? Ama iliwagga nini? Hihih!! Saa Boy wangu flani alikuwa akitoka shugli shugli za kujivinjari kitu saa saba ivi usiku…Jamaa aliwagga amejitatua mbaya!! So akaingia kwa choo kabla ya kuingia maskan…Keja za mtaani zi uwagga noma…Keja mbili, choo na bafu moja…si jamaa akangia kunyora, na kadhalika. Kukaakaa dakika kinde ivi…boy akableki/blackout juu ya choo. Saa ma-neighbour wake walikuwa wamekoroga mkorogo wa hali isiyo na hali…for supper. Kila dakika mbao, mmoja wao aliwagga akitoka kujiliwaza…Saa siunaskia boy wangu amebleki kwa choo…heeheheh!! Mbuyu wa ii nyumba ya maNeighbour si akatokea kufanya mambo tumbo iache vikwazo, man lakini wapi!! Mlango imetingwa…so si ni kuanza kutegea…dakika, mbili, tatu…kinde…Mbuyu atalipuka…yani shonde imefika mpaka kwa uso, hadi unacheki kaa uso itaturn green…Ai akacheki hapa ivi haezi anza kuwa reasonable…Akaanza kuchapa mlango na mkono zake…lakini kiplanni juu kuna venye unaezza enda kutupa tupa mikono ma-muscle zingine zianze kucontract/relax kwingineko… “Ei bana maliza haraka niingie…kutathoka!!!” …Boy wangu ako zake kwa ndoto, mbaya…meanwhile mbuyu anasweat saa ii…mambo zimechacha, Saa ii ndo alianza kaya wazimu!! “Weee FUNGUA II MLANGO!!” Boy ako zake tu…Saa apa ndo tulianza kuskia kelele usiku wa saa nane… Ati “FUNGUAAA!!” “FUNGUAAAA!!” Saa ii mbuyu ako desperate vibaya wasee si wanashindwa nini mbaya, lakini hakuna mthii anatoka hao, INCASE mambo zihappen. Baba Nanii na boxer ya red bila shati anakung’uta mlango bila huruma…Katoi kake kadogo kamanzi kametoka na sasa wako pamoja na kanalia… “Daddi nataka kwenda choo!!” Ii thaa yote niko kwa keja nikiskia kelele tu siezi toka…Saa mbuyu si akacheki hapa hasaidiki…Akakamm kwa Nyumba ya Mama Muchiri, keja next yangu… “Mathee!!” “Matheee!!” “Tafadhali tusaidie choo, yetu imefungwa na ndani!!” Mbuyu saa ii ameinama dezine ingine gwan! Magoti zimeshikana, na amejishika backdoor (ivo ndo nafikiria)…Mean while katoi kakawezewa hapo hapo kwa verrendah, mandani zikalipuka, prrrrrrhh!!! Mama Muchiri bado hajafungua mlango…na hakufungua. Akasema akiwa ndani…”Uliza funguo huko kwingine”…nikajua baass mambo zimethoka!! Saa ii katoi kakaanza kulia tena. Mi ndo sasa nitahanda uyu mbuyu juu ya shonde ya mtoi kaa ili‘mwagika’ kwa verandah…Akaanza kuchapa mlango yangu…”Sawa nakujaaa!!!” Nilifungua mlango karibu nibleki na io harufu!! Bana!! Walikuwa wamekula vitu za nguvu!! Haruf! Haruff!! Niliangusha funguo hapo nje kaa nimefunga mlango chap chap!! Alafu nikamwambianga kutoka ndani… “Baba Getti naupanguse maf(v)i ya mtoi wako!!” Hheheehh!! Wapi!! Siezi kamwambia ivo…labda nikiwa juu ya shada!! “Baba Getti juu hakuna maji uchote hapo kwa ndoo, sawa?”….jamaa ata hakujibu…yee aliwagga tu akiraruka kwa choo mbaya…nikajaribu kuwasha stima lakini wapi!! Bado hazijakamm toka saa tatu unusu…Mbu nazo zikaamua kuniFeast. Saa zenye nilirudishiwa funguo mafikra ziliwagga tu…ingia kitanda uhepe mosquito!! Kwa ivo ata sikumwambia risto za “shonde” yenye mtoi wake aliacha kwa verandah.

Saa yule boyzz mwenye aliwagga kwa choo akaslide toka io toile (seat haikuwa fixed…so juu ya venye aliwagga ameketi si ikateleza) akadunda kwa floor!! Io ndo ilimwamsha…Akamalizia malizia mambo zake alafu akatoka venye tu Baba Getti anarudi….

Saa io morning ingine, Sunday yani, nakaamua siezi amka ngware…Si ujanja ndo yangu!! Niliamka saa tano…Verrandah Safi..ata sikujua mwenye aliosha…na sikuuliza pia. Uyo jamaa ndo aliwanga ananichapia stori ii siku nyingine…Ati venye hataki kukalia mawe venye diago iliwanga inamwasha juu ya kuanguka usiku…

Kuna WaPI ii Sato (July 14^th)…Najua sikuchambua ya last…You know I only rely on me memory nilisahau ma-detail, mi ni ile crew ya external hard disk.

Mafichoni kama kawaida…nikingoja akina Morgan Heritage na Chuck Fenda nikiskiza Les Wanyika…Paulina…Tarumbeta iskize…

WaPI-Prelude...

2007-06-23T18:53:00.000+03:00

II SI NINII....SI SOGA...ni mstari tu....
Saa si niliwagga WaPI as promised...Munajuagga apa ni Kwetu Press...tunaChafua maGutter....nakuziacha zikiwa safi. So Usanii si imekuwa!! Watu, na communityBlogu!! Si kuliwagga na sessiion ya mchongoch....Mnakumbuka Methu eh? Sa si niliihata lakini naskia kalitamba...Alafu kuna Manzi flani flani anajiita MC Sharon.....Mrs. Bafu Chafu nakwambia!! Alirarua umati, dada anaskillz...na si analaunch Album mbele pamoja sometime in August...Alafu maboyz wanajiita Mistariiiii!! Mungu mmoja!!!! Awa jamaa wana mistari!! BigOp Morocco na uyo beshte yako( Izzo "Kimathi" Boots zilinimanga na toothpick!!!!) FREESTYLING like a nasens nakwambia!!
Morocco alikuwa akidai ni Lyrical tongue twister mwenye huacha ulimi na mablister, hihihihi!! Wanakuroga Harry Potter kando Mungu wahed!!
Yes Watu wangu, wa Kwetu..Wacheni nirudi mafichoni....this right here was just to break a long spell? Modo?
Who am I kidding....Are you even there? Monologue eh? Hihihihihihi!!!
Ii samthing itaendelea...

Toot!

2007-06-10T19:48:00.000+03:00

Nyati House Flavour is blaring, am pumping track 3(Amani Umoja na Upendo) as I write this. Well sometimes I think we all act trifle, like Christiano diving to get a free kick, or like grabbing gathgodezz at the club because you’re too weak/strong, or dumping your other because they’ve gone quiet on you, or just throwing a rock at the car that splashed coloured water on you in the morning on your way to THERE. We’re weak. Pathetic almost. You know whats even more ammmm….whats that word…Weaker? Well its you thinking that the list has something to do with me. Heheheheh!! Sisemi kitu. So anyway…Stuff is happening to this here homeland…capital stuff. Mungiki? Hehheehh!! Aaaah noooo…Its this weakness!! I mean…where am from (Wacha maswali!!!) two guys with machetes…not guns…blades Blogren…blades…and that’s right; TWO!! scared the ngominos off of the wana-kijiji, wakulima wazima wenye hukatakata familia zao wakilewa…maboyz wawili wakitokea…Monya ndo io…What am I trying to do?! Sheesh! I am verbally impaired so I won’t attempt to discharge my ignorance and lack in the realm of critikooo thinking…so acha ninyamaze…althooooo….aaaaah zi!!! Walikata manzi wa neighbour vidole tatu kwa mkono ya left, ocha…although hawakum-mada…Nimeshtuka ninastress, matha yuko aje je? Itakuwaje leo usiku? Kesho ashubuhi je? Nimejamu!! Kwa ivo I GIVETH NO HOOTs…though I will hoot! This is me domain so the hoot that I won’t give will be hooted out loud toot! toot!…Izi nyani bana zimezidi…But here’s a conspiracy theory for y’all: Minister X, M.Ps 1,2,3,4…..Yes alafu you and me and well most of Kenya know Mungiki but the MPs, well this ones know them better…they’ve been held to service to them by them whatever way “I don’t give a matatu HOOT!”.
Election year: The blood-boys are also proliferated with the capitalistic mental screaming F*** Maslow!! So yes!! They’ll definitely devise a way to get something out of this period of temperatures…au vepe? “Aki Bantu nyamaza, theory haingiani…heheheeh!!!” “We tulia nanii…Wacha nikushoo…skiza tu…”
So yes the Marionette Puppies play right into the grand hussle plan of the Kamjesh. Ati “Ai bana si mnajua tumepenya!!! Kuwapata nyumbani si hesabu, kwa ivo hebu tegeneza mambo ya matatu”, kuskia hivi the MPizzle almost garnishes his draws with matter sticky eeky. BUT alas Min.X of the incumbent jugmas league attempts to slice through the M.P.-Bloodboys symbiosis…chokoza nyuki mambo yatachacha…now I scratch my hair in public and am suspect, Whose side am I on? Am on my side damn it!!
Am on the side of the hacked, beheaded, executed and mishandled…wo wo! Mis-whu? I meant ‘moddaad’( by the police)…Am on OUR side…Babylon doesn’t care about my plight…So back to weak…People peepo!! The meek shall….Ok. I’m now on the pulpit? Hihihihh!! Point was we shuld try to look out for each other…empty words najua…ombea bratha na sistako…io ndo hatua ya kwanza, because I kid you not this thing well kama haijakugusa…unafaa ugutuke…Mambo yamechemka…Take care all…Bomseh? Uko?

MiSkk

2007-05-30T17:52:00.000+03:00

Leo ni mix…

Niliwagga WaPI ya last, kama kawaida. Tuliwagga na Mungi(ki), pamoja na Mlingoti…Saa mahanjam ya kujuana ilizidi hadi nikasahau risto za ku-scope scope usanii kwa ivo raundi hii nilicheki mambo less less sana. Niliingia parking lot apo British Council yani kitu saa saba ivi…ma-expectation zimechora saba, redde kutiwa utumbuizo…lakini bado kuna ii stuff ya kucheki hawa maChizi…aaah!! TWENDE!!

Boy si akaaingia…freestyle flani flani ilikuwa ikisakatwa…

Session ikaendelea mdogo mdogo…Alafu mongorio ikachapwa…Mungi(ki) ndo aliwagga akitishia amefika…saa juu ya kelele si nikaanza kutembea, mbali na ki-venue ati nihepe kelele ndo angalau nimpate…Hatua mbili tatu… Mungi: “Uko Wapi?” Bantu: “Apa tu juu…Karibu na ma-tent…” Kuangalia mbele jamaa ndo huyu…Masalamu, mshangao, kubonga bonga….alafu matembezi huko tu…kuangalia angalia usanii, Wachoraji, Alafu akatekwa nyarere na mabeshte wake…Ikabidi kirenegade niende kuangalia maGrafitti…

Si mshaambiwa juu ya Constant?

Baadaye Mlingoti akaaingia…jamaa ni mrefu hadi ana snow cap kwa kichwa…Tulimcheki kabla aingie kwa ma-gates yani…So kujuana juana…Kubambua bambua warembo na Macho…kujaribu kuskiza sanaa za maneno…Alafu yule jamaa niliwaga nimewashoo last time lakini nikasahau jina yake….najua hamwezi kumbuka lakini anaaitwa Biko!! Heheheh!! Edutainer extrodinaire…guy did his thing…his address lasted smthn like 8 minutes give or take…and needless to say…it was verbal exctacy! Alafu waka-duu kangoma flani apo na Jamaa wangu GM-Masese!! Grand Master respect man!! RESPECT…Io OBOKANO!! Hehehehe!! I finalli got it..

Baadaye tulinunua kanda flani flani za Ukoo flani, Akina Wenyeji na Mashifta walikuwa wakiuza ma-album zao…Mungi na Mlingoti si wakanunua kanda zote mbili…Mi nikasakaya ya Mashifta pekee “Nyati House Flavour”…Mna maswali? The other half of Mashifta…yani guy of the “Kijana ankula mahindi unaskia harufu ya njugu” fame, Majambazi? Well kaa humjui Mlingoti atawaonyesha…anaizo mboto, ndo alituuzia kanda za Mashifta, Zakaa aliWAchapia ma-autograph (Kanda ya Wenyeji, “Siku Njema”), alafu tukarudi kwa “balcony?” kucheki Cannibal na Sharama (Mnakumbuka “Street Hussler” ?) ao majamaa…Waka foka foka, although I have to hand it to Cannibal…Love your voice man!! Excuse me? Who is Redsan? Hihihihi!!

Alafu Gaza akasagadisha umati na sauti yake kama kawaida…Baadaye ndo Didge…yeye na sauti yake, yeye sauti yake na kofia yake…I like the guy…donno why…Mungi aliwagga na tafash na yeye, lakini afta kumskiza live…Mafikra zikabadili…He (Didge) even did the Saa Zingine remix, said something about a new album…Being complete? Yeah I think…

Alafu si tukenda zetu…FA Cup…

Apparently I’d been tagged…like ages past…and its rude not to respond?

Well

I blog because sometimes its just nice to mouth off without being worried…ama?

I blog because sometimes I convince myself that my life is interesting…

I blog because well sometimes you just need to tell yourself that you exist somewhere in this www.? Ama?

I rarely blog to release stress…for that I have monologues…

I blog because I believe….hihihhi!!! Corny I know…Well I believe that…heck!! I believe that’s enough!!

That’s five…and the major reasons I blog have only started to dawn…saa juu mi ndo wa mwisho…

I also blog to learn, Oh how much I’ve learnt…and maybe that small part of me that wants to see ammmmm…A sheng’ column in mainstream dailies…hihihihi!! Hata kama ni kamoja!!!!

Well I also do it coz I’m loving doing it…Kwani?!! Shoot me for enjoying it!!

Did you hear about that Japanese?

The one called Nikishuta…

Nikishuta Nitahara?

Well apparently he also had a wife…

Kumamoto was her name,

Kumamoto Itayari…

They flew back…to Japan I think…Who interviews ambassadors? Hehehe!! Well whoever does it must have laughed…I know I did…

Names that crack me up:

Wainoga, Wainaina, Bifwoli Wak(w)oli, Felistus, Scholastica, Innocent…many names…If this list has one of your names? Hehehehe!!! In advance…

Siku Njema, sawa? On me…

Sawa as promised….

Banga<<>>Pesa, Mafta, ganje, mkwanja, Doe,nk….

Do you know how many people die in a second? If you know that then I deem you Brainy…Many I geuss…but why is it bothering me now!! Am not going to sleep any time soon…its only 3:13am…This bed is creeping me out. Yesterday, day before and the one before…I saw me, in a coffin (A geesty coffin BTW…the grey type…heheheh!!)..maybe that’s it…

Screw it!! I will sleep…and I’ll dream of Freakin daisies and white lambs and probably that nini on that nani, and I’ll probably get to touch heheh!!...Midnight-F’in-Frisco!! Where the hell is you at!!

If I say “many peace” I’ll probably have you thinking…that Grammar is faulty, Ummmm!!! Draaat!! I had a heavy list!! Like four more items…yeah to butter you up and try to pass myself off as knowledgeable..hihih!! Well the point was something to do with language rebellion and the Sheng’ revolution(I daresay)…but I forget.

So without further a due? Many peace!! To you all. “Sleep, you better have good dreams lined up for me…I come with expectation…pregnant with fear though…One more freakin coffin, Nitakuwa nikilala mchana…”

Many peace in your sleep TOO…

Stooge 1's Night After

2007-05-24T17:48:00.000+03:00

Yesss!! I borrowed it! You have a problem?!! Heheheh!!

THE BETTER TEAM LOST.
THE AFTER-PARTY WAS GREAT THOUGH...
(The) three stooges, never disappoint-Nyatingili!!
THE AFTER-AFTER-PARTY HOWEVER:
Despite the mosquito jokes that I've been encoutering of late @ Methu's and other places too, the little buggers are never as funny especially when you soak your Mosquito net (they get dirty, esepecially when you get used to squishing the vampires on them...Blood stains 101 I tell you), then you reach home at 1:30 in the morning, your team lost (JUJU-tu), and heck you're tired( I was one of the three stooges). So the sufuria with sukuma-zangu-za-kila-wiki really doesnt look appealing. And what in goodnss' sake is that darned smell!! Holy smoking antiques of Ebeneezer!! The gas is leeking!! Chap chap!! Fungua dirisha(Open the window its only one by the way) in the middle of the friggin night...did I mention its the wooden type, and just like its compatriot (My door is wooden also) it squeeks like it has a contract. Then the meko, to the verrandah. This shoes are choking me!! So after I get out of them and my jeans and my adiddas, and T-shirt...Am not thinking now...I've gone into a trance (I don't even know how I remember), I put on my green pair of earmuffs(if you can't hear the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! It doesn't bother you) turn the lights out, like Mwangi(Weusi tu...heheheheh) and collapse ON zee bed....five minutes into my barren attempts to seduce Morpheus to "Take Me, take me now!! Have meeeeee!!..." heheheh!! I feel as if I have on woolen socks...prickly prickly sensations I tell you...Let me tell you something...the anafilisquitositas in our "hood" are seasoned bloodsuckers with refined prospecting prowess...I mean this buggers can actualli draw blood from your soles...Nakwambia!! So I shoot up(hihihihi!! Imagine that) ok. not that up though...just high enough to jerk my legs apart shaking them in the process like spidey and his ilk had decided to get touchy touchy with I n I and mine. Then I get back to the business of stroking Morpheus's hairy back...Then out of no where, in my head: "WHERE THE HELL IS THE KAM-kittens!!" (ebu look at Jade getting Ideas..hehehe!! Did I tell you she(Fluffy) gave birth!! to 2 bouncing kitties...one kuff'd and the other one is the one am talking about here, cute and black with white sprinklings, I'll kill you if you say dalmatian!!)...Nakwambia yesternight was drama for me...Immediately I remember this...sleep somehow magically takes a backseat and I grop around for the lock...turn it and pull the door...FRACUS!! I hadn't even locked the darned door!! When I finally get it opened and get out...I looked around at the verrandah, and saw a most disturbing thing(although I've seen it once before, heheh!!)...two rats ama do we call them mice? were hussling them selves some exctacy....and the waxx!! My voyeuristic tendancies din't last long...the two lovebirds or shall we say loverats? scattered as soon as they saw me..."Something to blog about" I thinks and knock on the neighbours' applying ile mbinu ya crescendo with a crescendo rap that is. "Mama Muchirii!!" times 7 or 8...Please blame this on Guiness sawa? Heheheheh!!! Stooges 2 and 3 should NOT be laughing!!...When she finalli heeds my call? Madness? Yeah insert more favourable term, and opens the door...She looked soo funny half closed eyes and the frown of the millenium to compliment it (Look who's talking: Am in VERY COLOUFUL boxers, yellow slippers bare chested[nothing fancy, hihi!], and green earmuffs, and I have the gall!)..."Ni nini?!" Ishhhh!!! Breath breath breath is kicking harder than Gerrard!! Ok. Forget dental health..."Umeona ka-pussy?" Her: "Ati?!! Unaniamsha usiku hivi kuniuliza juu ya ka-pussi? Ebu lala tutaongea kesho..." I didn't even persist...Door was closed in my face. So I resign to mine...I close the window...the gas has cleared now, and whoever told you that if you open a window in the middle of the night, its supposed to let the mosquitoes out...was really messing with you. So I walked into a battlefield now...Fly whisk! Where are you at? That was my night...and by some miraculous >>there should be a big word here, I just can't remember it<< I did get some semblance of sleep finally...Lakini the whooping I administered to myself with those mean furs( The fly whisk)....The darned thing(net) is dry as we speak...
Nimeamka na njaa kisenge!!...Ki-mbese/maize-meal?/Ugali/sima kikapikwa na nikakisukuma na zile za jana--This was supposed to be an English post!! I woke up real hunge-ree so I whipped my self up some Ugali, and the Sukuma was there...

METHU HAS BEEN CROWNED KING!! 300 AND 27(as we speak) COMMENTS AND COUTING(?)!!!
Ngoja tu uone venye ntalengwa, Ngoja tu....hihihihi!!
Saving Captain Jack Sparrow...Friday?
"Hollywood has run out of Ideas, Three-quel Month, Spi....3, Pirate Of...3, Ocean's 13, Shrek 3, and a couple more I don't remeber...still on Sequels...Die Hard 4!(C'moooon) Are we done yet? Oh you better be done!! Hihihihi!! Am just hating and I'll go watch them...hahahaha!!">>Of course I heard that somewhere!! Me? A movie aficionado? Hihihihi!! But I watched Spiderman 3 though...I did!! oh what was that I was saying about 3? Remember 3-hundred!!
BOLLYWOOD here I comes...

One sentence can undo a friendship...be very careful with words...One word can mend ailing wounds....am yet to see that....So beware of words...
TALK STOOGES 2 AND 3 (I hope you dont have a problem with me being 1? Hihihhi!!), TALK!!

MIMS-Music Is My Sista

2007-05-20T13:10:00.000+03:00

Ok. traffic snarl up imezidi....Cheka tu lakini desperate measures desperate ammmm THIS!!
This is why am Bants, this is why am Bants, this is why, this is why, this is why am Bants!!
Am Bants coz I am, you're not coz you're fat...this is why, this is why, this is why am Bants!!
Am Bants coz I fly, you're not coz you drive....this is why, this is why, this is why am Bants!!

Ndo maana mi ni Bant2, ndo maana mi ni Bant2, ndo maana mi, ndo maana mi, ndo maana mii Bant2!!
Mi Ban2 ju mi hupaaaanda, propaganda za u-rebel, kukudunga dunga dunga, masindano za revolution,
Mi ndo hu-dunga risto udanda, lugha blanda maneno wanda, na bado unaacha comment na kutoa kanda, heheheh!!

Ndo maana mi Bantu...
Kitushua kuliko Diago ya J-Lo, au kuliko gwadi ya Kushoto ya Milo!!
Kikwetu inacause ma-hamstring ndani ya pants, nikaa umecheki Halle Berry bila pants,
Ndo maana mi Bantu...
Maskan imenata shada kaa ganja-planta akikatia Jada na panga dezine ya Rwanda, na bado kanatamba kaa ragga mpaka kadada kanatingisha karasa unaachwa umemadwa na mahanjam, Hihihihi!!!
Ndo maana mi Bantu...
Nitazima taa kwa akina Naikuni abadilishe slogan kuwa Kuna nuru gizani,
Hadi Potash apake hao yake whitewash, na post ya Methu ya kikwetu ipate majibu mia tatu!!
Heheheheh!!! Ndo maana mi ni Bantu...
Busta-a-rhyme!! Usikike...heheheh!!

Short and snappy? Just the way you like it? Heheheheh!! Crossing fingers...

Saba Zangu-Kuchelewa Muelewe

2007-05-17T15:33:00.000+03:00

Kwanza ma-izza mbao mbao!! Sikuwagga karibu na mtandao, ndo maana. Emmm, nimecheki wadhii wamesiaga soga vinginevyo, aiii wiki mbili tu…ama ni moja?..kitu kaa io…Saa mambo nimecheki ilikuwa ku-“taggiwa”…mtu Saba ndo nyinyi eh? Ei bana alafu nimecheki mapropaganda za ujamii…nikujue, unijue, tujuane hehehe!! Ni sawa lakini io bana itakuwa mwadhara kidogo kwangu…lakini acha tujaribu…
“ …Ni lazima retalia-shen, wakitupa tunarusha tu, yani ki-thug like mpaka saa zingine inazidi ile ya Tu-pac, Amaru Shakur,la mkuu wakipuuza wanavunjwa mguu…” :Matatizo ya KShaka

Kaa unataka ii track twanga button ya panya>>Hapa. Uchape request...
Saba zangu:
>>Naeza kwangalia uskie baridi-dezine za strip tease, niite Banteaser, heheheh!!…macho mtoo mrau plow plow!! Kwa ivo nina shida ya kubonga na watu ki-sura sura. Macho moto…nani anadai ashaai nicheki? Heheheh!!
>>Mi kaa venye mnajuanga, ni mthii Basic, chini-mchanga, real eh? Mnaelewa? Kwa ivo kitu au vitu trivial kaa risto ya Rosto ni vitu ziunibamba(io ni interpretation ya Bantu ya “real”)…life is too long/short to onli talk about…yani kazua rasa kidogo ukibonga na mimi although si ati unibebe upuzi lakini, zi, akili ziko…What the hell was I saying? take it easy around me, you'll save the world tomorrow- that’s me, No? Kuna mtu ananijua? Nacheka…
>>I like clear nights and stars, and lying supine to take it all in…eeehh, mtaa ni Badge! Boy wa mtaa haezi enjoy ku-scope ma-stars bila washkaji kushuku? I do! Kitambo ningekuonyesha Sagittarius… “Lobo warming” imefanya mambo sasa ki-KShaka, macho zinajivinjari na warembo tu, na thafu…btw mko? Warembo yani, ama kikwetu imeblanda? Heheheh!!
Tatu!! Ai bana ninaishiwaaa…wacha nikazane…Eeeeeeeh…
>>Nachukia: vitu na watu kadhaa. Vitu: Malenge, ni(tu)liishi na shosho na aliwanga analyk kuzipika alafu anatusugua na rope ni(tu)kihata kumada dishi…Alafu kitu funni io ndo kitu moja iliwagga inagrow kaa cancer kwa ki-shamba! Nachukia kuambiwa kitu more than mara moja, espeshalli kaa hautaongeza kachumbari…monotony in general bugs me...ma-art connoisseurs…nyi huwaitanga nani? Expressionists? Impressionists? Wenye humwaga rangi kwa canvas alafu wanadaisha ni painting[kichwa kina tikiswa] KKT…nikabonga ivi sitaai mada list. Nachukia ku-categorise watu, juu mi ni victim wa io kitu, mi huprefer kuona the best inna di piason, Ya kno? Nachukia ibilisi…so nikikuita ibilisi siunajua niaje? Au vepe? Roaches too…both literal and metaphoric…DOOM!
>>Mi hulala nikaa sitawahi amka, nikipata usingizi yani…
>>Sijawahi ishi hao haina wild/tame/rogue life…rodents, bees(nyuki huko ocha ziuwanga zimeunda maskan katikati ya mbao za ndani-yani ply wood na za nje ya keja yangu, yani usiku yuu wanga ma-symphony za ma-zzzzzzzzzzzzz!!), mbu, mende(heheheh!!Ebu acheni mafikra)…maskan za pawa.
>>Somebody tell me what I’ll do with this mound on my head! Na-like kucheka BTW…na kupatia watu na vitu majina(Methu, ati Mona? Heheheh!) Telly<<>>Rita, Tenj<<>>Becky, Remote<<>>Raila…So githaa ya Rita na Raila mnajua ni nini…Tosheka!!
Wazi jo…Saa mnajua Bantutu!!

I’m going back to the murk(Black Bantu, even Miss B’s coming back…shhh!!)…My links…mnaziona? HAZIKO!! Izo vitu ziliwaga mob tu sana saa ii nimekuwa poko wa milango(links) Akina Nusulimbi, Milo, Unyc, Bw.Mishale, Farmgal na wengine kadhaa. so Kanyau time to kujikata..imefi? Imefika…
May 19th ni Sato ya WaPI(Words and PIctures yani). Ntawanga kama kawaida. TOKEA KAA UTAWEZAAAAA! Akina _______ na wewe!! Kamu tu…British Council toka saa tuta hadi kitu saa ndeki ivi…
Aizoh? Hehehe!!
Testing…Ii ni segment najaribu kumudu:
Mthama-mathe/dafte/massa/matha
Fika Sheng.co.ke for more documented words
although zangu ziuwanga toka mtaani kwetu…KBW? Mtaa yetu? Hihihi!!
Kikwetu ikuwe…
Next week Mtasoma review TATU ama zaidi za WaPI za kikwetu…moja itakuwa yangu.

5 0 7

2007-05-09T15:41:00.000+03:00

507....er..don't the Frenchies have a Peugeot series by those digits?
KQ 507 BOEING 737-800
114 PASSENGERS
Facts:
· Rains delayed take of...
· 737s have a history of Crashes?
· State radio reports crash...
· 23 Nationalities...
· 9 crew men
· Cameroun=35
· India-15
· Rescue operations seriously undermined by heavy rains and dense forest...
· Dissemination of information ammmmmm....
· Signal from the Emergency _____________ locator spotted near Douala.
· 18 Hrs to spot the plane/wreckage.....Yes!! THE darned PLANE!! not the people...
· Wreckage found in a swamp, well most of it was IN, no?
· Said to have crashed and left a crater, I quote: "The size of an olympic swimming pool".
How am I dong with the facts?
· Did they say 81 remains?
· I'm repeating what you already know...

This type of writing has always been hard for me...yani commenting on on-going stuff. Heck am even doing it in English!! That should mean something...well most of the times my opinion is usually not worth offering, my humble centi mbili pale at either the magnitude of the issue or just the opulence of others' thoughts...
Ok. here's the thing...and yes! I know you might be reading this and going something like "GET TO THE DARNED POINT ALREADY!!!" Well I don't blame you...*No giggling today...NO GIGGLING BANTU!!*
I had a very "indoors" type of weekend...Right from Friday, with the Richie Spice thing at the splash, and Spiderman Tatu's premiere...Yes I was watching 8-legged-Freaks instead...and the anticipation for Raila's vision? *I really want to giggle!!* Ok. long story shorter than I'd have had it, had I not read through, I was at Maskan...All through the weekend.
So when Flight 507 graciously graces the media hanging-lines for us to dry with the glare of our interest and concern...I've been reading...*Damn this no giggling rule!! What happend to making fun of death, 6 feet under anyone?* I was there when the thing started, all Saturday I watched and listened to those ole Naixx's press briefs up to the point the Govt. mouth joined the PR circus and beyond. Ok. The grieve.
Now, the thing about me am those hope-for-the-best-and-taunt-the-worst-type-of-people(Whatevever that means) so I was hoping that there were survivors...sob sob...On Sunday evening I lost touch with the unfolding tragedy, the monotony of the press releases was getting to I n I,...But notwithstanding the poor reporting of certain media houses, insufferable plausible corporate horse-arse-ness, and my hopes-yes them- I still waited for them to report that the plane was sighted in a clearing and the passengers found waitng to be rescued...sob?
Well its inevitable now, no?
I really got touched by this whole thing...don't know why, don't care either, I just felt taken and well I thought I should say something however insignificant: I really am sorry for your loss. That 'your' right there encompasses all who lost a dad, mum, son, daughter, aunt, uncle, girl/boy friend, co-worker, boss, nephew, niece, grandma, grandpa, neighbour, friend, classmate, anybody who lost a live close to theirs to 507...I can't imagine your shock and grief at this time, I have not the slightest idea what to say to ease your pain.
They're saying the plane crashed 30 seconds after (it attempted) take off? Thats what, 30 seconds of deathly panic? "We're gong to die!!", "I didn't even tell....", "We're in trouble....", "God help us/ME"....30 seconds of psychological torture, 30 seconds to have your life examined, re-examined, put to test then abrupt rest. 30 bloody seconds...Well thats what the clever people say...sekunde thelathini...(NB: not Mbashu..its thelatha)...then Bam!! the tree branches break...the fuselage splits...probabli severally...the impact alone is enough to scare you to death...the chaos, wait, What chaos! They probably all perished on impact....
I...er...declare a pause of respect for all those on 507. I just hope our pettiness, manifest in the manner in which we're so generous with blame...won't show, SAWA?
..Shallom blog-folk!! May the force (of peace) be with you...
Pardon moi; I just had to get that stress off my chest like breast reduction, not unlike Pammy...

French chefs, ok. this one in particular: Pierre Gagnaire,I know and like and have any of y'all heard of Jackson Pollock? The story liked me...and I liked IT.....

This doggie is with us in the grief....

WaPI?

2007-04-28T17:05:00.000+03:00

Aaaaaaah ziiiii!!
Lazma ningerudi baaanaa!! Hehheh!!
By the way all the prolonged vowels should be read as they are for best sound effects...
Niliwaga nimefikaga hukooo..British-Kan-sil....Kushuhudia WaPI...ku-represent(si nyinyi kwani!! heheh!!)...kujivinjari...kula na macho..OVIASSS!! na ku-appreciate sanaa...Si mnajuaaa? Heheheh!! Saa iko ivi thaa iliwaga 10 am...Nimedunga pipe yangu blak, na virago kadhalika na kangepa kako ordda...nikatishia saa kuchomoka...lakini apo nje, majamaa wameketi strong, soga imechijwa vimwadhara so Bantu akasahau risto za WaPI kusakata gu-? Gumzooo!! Ivo ivo!! Heheheheh!! Saa afta kitu kaa dakika 40 ivi...Sii wote tuliwaga tukiscope boy flani aliwaga aki-adjust ka-aerial ka tenje kwa roof za ma-neibba ile place kwa chimney...zile za ka-waya kamoja...mnazielewa eh? Heheh!!
Boyzz:"Weee Rosto we!! Si ungepanda na Tenje tu!!!!" Vicheko.... Boy mwingine: "We Rosto!! Fungilia juala ya blak, Mulembe isihate baze!!" Hheheh!! Saa boyzz akamada shugli akaanza ma-dismount...
Saa izi roof ni zile za brick, matofali eh? si mnazielewa? Si boyz akaanza ku-kaamm moss moss karibu kwa edge ili aruke...Saa kufika katikati...tukacheki diago/rasa/thutha/ kadhalika...imesink...kidogo miguu za boyzz zikafuata...alafu matofali...Alafu tukaskia Rosto amerarua Nduru wazimu!! Saa Rosto aliwaga amedunda kwa side ya juu ya ceiling...Io place iliwaga giza vinginevo...yani venye tu diago na mifupa zilirada mbao za ceiling ivi, aliskianga tu kelele kelele...nikaa kuna vitu zinahepa huko...ndio kipanya kikampandilia...Rosto apo ndo alipiganga nduru!! Yani boyzz ungedhani amekatwa mguu ya tatu!! Ei! Hehehehe!!!
Niliwasili British Council saa nane imesalia ivi...Mashallahh!! Umati, kelele na warembo chungu nzima...Hihihi!! Ata sisi hukoroga sanifu!! Yenyewe kufikanga nilikuta ma-freestyle zikiwa in motion...Mavijanaa wamepiga msururu hehehe!! line yani...wamengoja kutuchambua na mistari...kitu tu ilinibamba apo ivo ni battle flani kati ka-boy flani babi babi...na jamaa wa Umo...siezi kumbuka mistari vipoa....lakini janaa alianuliwa roho safi mpaka nikamwonea huruma, kayole na D...Alichafuliwa viproppa...Afta io yule jamaa yu manage Sheng'.co.ke? na mchongwano.com? niliskia kitu kaa io...akapewa mike..Sa si jamaa akaitanga wadhii wanne wakamm wawakilishe mchongwano apo ivo...Ni jamaa mmoja tu aliwakilishanga visawa...Hehehe!! Kunaboyzz alishoiwa ati meno zake ni YELLO, akifunga mdomo, ati tumbo inawaka...hehe!! Alafu boyzz flani alisuguliwa ati ye ni mkonda akiinama unadhani amekunja ngumi...heheheh!! Boyzz aliwaga proppa...Lakini si huwaga na yetu inhouse uku iveee ama? Akina Archer na Unyc mko? Hihihihihi!!!
Ebu tuchapie Archer kamoja tu...kamojaaa tuu daddi!!! ama? Sawa? Aaaah fiti fiti!! Mnacheki Archer? Jamaa ni m-klevarest! Aliingia.....Hehehehe!!! Mishale bado nakumbuka...hihihihi!!!
Baada ya ii jamaa flani alianza ngoma flani kapuka kapuka-"Niko kwa klabu, nimeshika sijui nini na nini....sijui balee...", lakini nikuanza tu alianza...alinyamazishwa na ma-fans? heheheh!! Take that Bling!! Pwing!!
Baadaye kuliwanga na Mr.Man mwenyewe...jina sikumbuki....ka uliwanga ongea!...alijiita EDU-tainer...bratha ni philosopher vinginevyo....Streetosopher...Aliwanga na logic ingine apo kali sana...ati Kenya kunanga watu aina tatu...MWENYEnchi, MWANAnchi na mwenyenzi (akina mimi na kru yangu huko...heheheh!!), logic iliwanga mwadhara...you had to be there...Alafu juu anarun Urezzo bado ma-campaigne aliwaga anafanyia clabbu yake, heheh!! CCM-wenyenzi yani..Bratha aliwaga na ma-punchline kuliko ngoma ya Tupac...lazma ungushuhudia...alibonga karibu dakika kinde bana!!
Baadaye bro flani Riasta imaggo borrn dem!! Plow plow!! Alichapanga shairi ingine apo timam-"Dem wangu" aishhhhh!! Kitu iliwanga imestaaaaand kuliko ndevu za Bebe Cool...heheh! Kwanza akaekewa instrumental zingine apo kalikali toka Msumbiji....hukooo...kusini huko...Rumba nakwambia mwanangu!! RUMBA!! "Dem wangu nimeamua kukundikia juu ya...." Heheheheheh!!! Nilibambika vi-dedli!! BigOpp man!!
Baadaye the bratha himselfest!! the one, the onli, the uniq(Unyc acha kujibamba, LOL!!)ue, the master, the GRANDmaster!! Bw. GM Masese...na nyatiti? yake....Izo stuff ziliwanga na majina kibao!! Sijui nyatiti, Orutu, Oring'eng'e? hehheh!! Akaingia nakufanya mambo...lakini watu hakuwa wakim-feel...Sijui ushenzi kuzidi am nini?? Lakini mi nilibambika...Shairi flani juu ya Matha-land na ngoma ya Kisii...
Poem kadhaa...Wimbo(High-pitched bratha!! Respect!)
MiEsta Biafu Chiafu im-sielf!! The guy took the crowd apart..AS USUAL!!....heheh! Moto nakwambia!! Alafu mvua ika-amua ianze terror...Wadhii wajitupa kwa zile tent ziliwaga...Bafu Chafu bado ana Chafua uko!! Ilifikanga wakati flani nikaamua..eeeh!! Mi huamua!! Kwani hamuamini! Hehehe!! Mvua haitanikataza kuji-enjoyii...so nikatokea...Lion paw Inna d atmosFear!! Plow plow plow!! Heheheheh!!
Alafu maboy wawili...wasanii up-couming siko shua kaa iliwaga free style ama ni mistari crafted tu....Lakini wa-guys walirarua umati na stuff zao...Mistari bomba!! Dakika nane ivi...
Alaaaaaaaafuuuuu!!! The Brathaaaas!! The Men!! THEM!! MaShiiiiiftaaaaa!! Hehehehehe!! Bana nilibambika kucheki K-Swiss niliwikanga "Ka Huniaminiii!!" >>Gruppi na kwambia!! Heheheheh!! Kwanza alifanya mafree-style free-style...Fupi fupi lakini Suppa kama kawaida...Alafu aka doo verse yake ya "Kaa Huniamini"...heheheh!!
Pesa Pombe Siasa na Wanawake....alafu Mfalme....PURE PLEASURE!!
Kama(K-Shaka) akachapa verse ya "Angalia Saa"
Badae WE-NYE-Jeee!!! Walichapa ngoma kaa 6 kutoka album yao mpya....siku njema..
Io ndo iliwanga WaPI...Don believe me...I've watered it down...
Kaa uliwanga...sikukuona!!
>>Theme iliwanga WaPI Kura Yako.
>>Graffitti ilibamba..
>>Sikununua chochote...kusota ni ugonjwa!!
>>Alafu Roba(K-Shaka) niliwaga...ninge-....sawa next time tutabonga...hihihihi!!!
>>Lugha iliwanga kikwetu...well most of the time.
Badae...bidii tu...
Na ukacheki mahali kuna picha za WaPI nikwaruzie kwa comments...

Something from a Kitchen

2007-04-17T11:34:00.000+03:00

Ammm how am I here!! Shoot!! I shuld be going bana!! Lakini since am already here si you sample some of my dabblings...in UnGEM's realm...Ebu cheki mzuri mtaona fluffy on the right....

See you if I don't see you first...then and only then can I see you coz If see you first you'll probably have seen me? MaBrassa na maSiste...si mjitahadhari na kamari ya kujivinjari...juu kuna hatari...hihihihi!!

"Every man's gotta right ta Decide his own Diestiny...On that/this Judgement-day there is...no partiality...so arm in arm......"

So Mi waffi stiEpp...eyo Sillasiae riein supreme...Jah Bliess biEggest....plow plow plow!!!

Heheheh!!

Ka-maskan

2007-04-13T10:10:00.000+03:00

Dear Maskan…I’m sincerely sorry, your boarder, YES!! Me, Bantutu can’t afford esKpensive furnishings, the likes of esKpression, clarity, eloquence and effective communication. I’m sorry for the sudden “Makeover”? I know how you hate anything sudden, anything surprising…I’m sorry that am sorry, am even sorrier that my sorry a** can’t think of anything better than personalizing my blogu and conversating with it like a deranged octogenarian relating the annoying shenanigans of his deceased wife to a mongrel in his favourite park. Its even sorry I’m spewing similes like that! Sheeesh! I’m just one sorry bugger today.
But I’m grateful also, for your outstanding hospitality, hosting me and my munchkins, for your open-mindedness…we swang kikwetu babie!! Well for what its worth I’ll try and do better…when I come back. In the meantime, I got the cat to keep the rodent pals in their holes…away from the visible eye…I’m not sure he’s potty trained though…heheheh!!
Ramble…ramble….ramble…
I CHANGED MY TEMPLATE!!!! Trash it already!! I know you want to…

Farmgal!! Ati it looks girly!!
Yes I had to stay true to my feline fondness…Bomseh…n all o y’all cat-haters beware… Bw.‘Fluff’ is watching…
So maskan naikwatua kwatua mdogo mdogo, bado sijamada. Bonga niskie!!

Minna fi tee-ake a di-‘e’-tour! Ya dwonno! Eheheheh!! Ya Mon! Big tings inna mi bwongo! You waffi ri-‘e’-kenise….Hehehehh!! This ‘Jamiecan ting’ floors me all the time! You waffi knuow! Hehe!! Bliack Supriemacy tiaking owver!! Biggup wa-guys!! Akina Fullstop! Bwombo klan!! Hihihihi!! Biafuchiafu, BieGup!
Lakini seriously one day I’ll say something like that holding a MIC…I must!! It sounds hot! Well to me it does…heheh!!
Minna fi gwo!! Jah Bless!
Damian Marley inna mi eardrums-Welcom ta Jomrack!!…Bom! Bom! Bwom!! You waffi realize!! Heheheh!!

Somebody stop me!! Hihihihi!!

Saw Tatu...300

2007-04-04T09:46:00.000+03:00

NO EDITTING DONE...SO TRY n GET CREATIVE...in your reading...
Am doing some serious digressing here, so lets get this over with...
Ever noticed how much you silently notice 'unnoticed' stuff and when you finally 'notice' them out loud you find EEEH!! somebodyelse already noticed it on behalf of your notice-craving self? Shoot! the more and more time I spend with these Kenyan-Wits the more my head is corrupted into thinking I can make statements like the one above and escape with kachumbari to supplement my ravings....
Ebu skizeni ii...
Is it a tad ironic 9-11.....9-1-1 are very significant sets of figures with ammmm a significant...Aishhh kingoso imegonga wall....Yani mnacheki ma-Irony au vipi? Hihihihi!!
Niliwanga na zingine...Lakini...Muvi.
Soo Tuta<<>>Saw tatu<<>>300
Aaah basi si boy wenyu aliji-organise Sato...BTW kaa tato uko apo....ii ni u"tato" ya Bantu....Na ndio!! Niliicheki mbele yako!!...Ehe niliwanga nasema Sato iliwanga Siku bomba....Bantu githaa ya injury ilimkutanga tao...Simu yake ya jamii bigi haitoshei kwa mfuko...Iko kwa backpack...Handset(ya blu-t[r]uth)....ya blue kwa maskio amejitetea kwa ma-prospective...Ati "Niaje leo movie?"..."Er...leo nanii ananitake..." Bantu ako: "Aaaah ata dough inaisha tutabonga..." Handest inarudi kwa mfuko kudaisha ati nina mongorio(Heeheh!! Ya blu...). So niko apo ivo mama Ngina...Awa walefa wanachapia Bantu scope zingine...Aisshhhh!!!
Achana na niniii yangu!! Ni yangu na nanii wangu... "Pa-lizzz?" (Bw.Mishale?)
Bwana Kimathi(Barikiwa daddi...) ananishtua nimgotee...nasema zangu na ninaendelea na stroll...Watu wameshikana shikana uko kaa glu, mahamu zinaanza kunisuguasugua...mara naskia backpack ikivibrate...sheesh!! "Mongorio" ina toka kwa mfuko "Vepe!!" "Sema Bantu!! Unakamm Easter? Tumekungoja..." Ai matha!! Eheeee!! Matha ni mnati ivo ivo!! "Eee, sawa nitacome niko kwa stage siezi bonga...nitakuchapia badae....Sawa?"...Matha:"Aaah fiti daddi!!" Heeheheh!! Kitu kaa io...Blu inarudi kwa mfuko na Bantu anaingia plaza ya blu(Mbao yani...pun?)....Eheeee!! Kaaa kuna muthii aliwanga uko akacheki jamaa flani ana niniii na ngepa ya white?...
Tiko..."Ai!! Acha kuniangalia kaa nimekamm kukurausha....na buy tiko!! VIPI!!" Lady at box office: "What seat?" "ii apa!!"...Ananikanja change nashtuka, namwangalia...anasema asante...alafu ananichapia ki-smilo!! Ai!! Labda ni ii ngepa...Lakini staki vitimbi leo...saw tatu kucheki Soo Tatu....Bantu na Big screen..Heheheh!! Si ni lazima boyz ajisawazishe mdogo githaa ya filamu..sindio?..Snacko>>"Nigee ammmm...Ki-sprite apo....ni ngapi?" "*%#@&" "Ati ngapi?! Sawa nigee njoti apo..." Hihihihi!! "Acheni kuniangalia ivo!!"
Bantu saa ako set!!
Soo tatu nakaam!!
Najichapa ndani seat ingine apo nyuma ya awa ma-switi...Preview zimeisha...Kwa ivo hakuna Nashono Andhem!! Bana!!
Njoti lazma nifungue packo,ama?...Fracus!! Inatoa kelele zingine sexxie kaa afro ya Lucy, dame mwenye yuko mbele, ananichapia scopo kali kali...saa izo niko intro ya movie mbaiya nikimunch njoti vi-serious...
Saa risto iliwanga sawa....Yani KUNA sheshe mob...Ii ni risto ya war...Si mnazielewa...zile za ile thaa wanati waliwanga wanacladi marobe...watoi maloin cloth...mababi shuka( mob ziliwanga red)...Walefa, aiyaiyai!! Ulizeni Kipepeo!! na ma-ulipo ziliwanga ziking'arwa kila place...
Saa kuna ma-persians na SPARTANS...
Ma-persians ndo wagondi...na ma-starro ni SPARTANS...Bana awa wathii wanacladi shuka pekee na ka-helmet na ulipo wakiishia mengo(War, yani) BANA!! NAKWAMBIA!! Mamayooo!! Ati ma-Spartan saw tatu na ma-persians 1 million!!
Nilibambika na (1)kile ki-samo kina kaa rhino venye kilidedishwa...(2)fLight ya awa wadhii, maboyzz wanafly!...aisshhh!!(3)Kuna jamaa yu katangwa kichwa...cheki venye alidunda tu (4)Venye yule dame, mbele yangu, aliwanga anatoa ma-vowel....spartan flani akiji-organise na wi-fe..heheheh!!! (5)Kuna place flani unacheki mti imeundwa na ma-corpse...WEWE!! (6) Ni ngori we enda ukaicheki....
Madame mtabambika na straw!! Hhehehh!! Ma-boy msipeleke wa-she wenu...kuna venye..hihi!!
Kuna uyu jamaa flani mrefu alinikumbusha MONAlisa...heheh!! Aliwanga akidai ati yeye ni Mungu..
Aishhhh kikwetu imemezesha leo vinginevyo...
So how's about I make a Kingoso exit...Y'all Don't read ama ni nini!! Andikeni review! Kaa hunampango ii Easter...tunafanana...
Oh n Nik, tafuna io!!...na uchunge meno, maneno hatutaki....

What Now....

2007-03-30T10:02:00.000+03:00

I had been sidelining some of you? No offence intended...just exercising comfort...well here's discomfort expressly for you, me munch-kins...

LINDA IS NOT HER NAME....obviously!!! I'd been toying with Belinda, *Shaneekwa*(Heheheh!!), Theresia, and others...

Linda was a very hardworking girl. Linda was also a very attractive girl. So it doesn't come as a surprise that she was juggling work and classes and a boyfriend too. And then she was a LEO like me.
Linda had exams in the next week from this one am talking about. Linda also had results from an exam(test) the she'd taken the previous week. So you can imagine her stress levels were boadering psychotic right about now...The said results were the positive negative kind.
She checks her watch and because am watching her, I also check mine. Mine, a digital joke smile backs the time as 5:43pm. I wonder what hers said...
She resumes her engagement to the thick management book in front of her, I do the same.
Because I keep shooting glaces at her, at regular scholastically unfruitful intervals, I notice her head is now rested on the book now turned pillow.
First thoughts first, I'm thinking: Sleeping beauty, splendid slumber, sweet lullaby....many serene? thoughts...
Then I think, be big and touch her to conciousness...she's just across you for goodness's sake man!! So I think "What the heck! Lemmi go over and fufil my friend's friend's counsinly duties.
I stop thinking and start moving. And move I do...to the library boy's room where I head straight for the sink, turn on the tap, and in that "running water soundtrack" I seek solace in the fact that...Who am I kidding I felt like I'd crashed a brand newEST courvette(I hear you're supposed to feel really bad?), well I scooped up some water from the steady stream and splashed it on my face then proceeded to optically scold the bugger staring back at me in the boy's room mirror.
Am thinking fool, shenzz, coward, ngamia, kichwa-boflo, chicken-kanyau et cetera...when the opening door finally yanks me out of my self-admonition, I realize a sizeable chunk of time must have elapsed since there are zero traces of the water I'd spalshed on my face, oh and the watch now said 7:16pm.
Draaat! 7:16!! She gone now...I trot out of the boy's room almost expecting bewildered looks at my reappearance from my sojourn to planet toiletus, but I get nothing...the three heads I see, do not even look up from their volumes to salute the clacks from me clacky shoes....
I get my books and march out of the library.

The next day we talked(Yeah, WOW!! I know!!)...about the weather and about the bruise on her face...and(Surprisingly for me) the bigger one in her heart...The one that had her thinking about an abortion....Dropping out of school...and her recently deceased dad...

The events above took place 3 weeks ago, I just recently got reminded that in sharing there's healing...Well heal me/her!! Let those fingers do the healing dance on that keyboard...Oh and BTW she damped that loser...Goodness I sound like...like...what I dread to sound like..hehe!!
Her problems have been driving me up the wall....especially since I was internally debating whether it was prudent for me to talk about it...

Ammmmm 300! 300! 300! 300! 300! 300! 300! 300! 300! 300! 300! Is it Friday already....Yeeeeeeess! That preview aishhh!! For all o y'all that are surprised....even I, have a hollywood hamstring....hihihi! Now about who to take...ama ITS WHO TO TAKE ME? heheheh!!!
Weekendi Bomba!! Bantulicious to the marrow!!
The KCC advert is just the stuff of greatness!! "Samahani mrembo..." When that guy's talking about KCC I thought he was talking about smthn else...hihihi!!

~Miss Linda is 20-smthn yrs old, she's *steady* trying to figure why the world is so cold....(Runnaway *love*)~

I realli want to go on...But Musiq (Soulchild)! Have y'all lissened to his first CD? Aijuswanaseing? Waaah! 143 is on repeat...
And yes Peps, Wainana is definitely a gem!!
I realli gostta go!!

Review kiasi

2007-03-20T16:17:00.000+03:00

Newton’s laws of motion….ammmm…shhhhoot!! Where did I get off talking physics as an intro…anyway there’s that last one? Of the three? The one that goes something like, for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction? Well aaah…Methu takes his little double automobile “Sanifu” Sheng’ detour, Dude trips over all the pebbles on the way…(LOL!!)Oooh hell!! This isn’t working! Methu ali-uma mawe na ma-extras zote!! Hehe!! Lakini jasho alimwaga kwa ivo mapropu mbuyu mapropu tu…Lakini daddi ai! Ati engine ina-FOKA?, rangi ya dark buluu,ulisema utukuzeee Kiswahili eh?(weka kale ka-tune ka ile proggi ya KBC ya kitambo:Sanaa ya kiswahili? kitu kaa io). Hihihi!! Niliwanga nararuka tu…heheh!! Lakini sportlight leo ni ya zile majibu za challenge yake… hehe!! Akina Ungem(EGM) na ka-blackie kake akiwa anachapa wa-she usoro karibu arambe baro hihi!! Io ninii yake ilinibamba roho safi!! Yani niliisoma, kwanza mdomo ikachora ma-zero…Eh!! Ungem alisuka risto vilivyo hehehh!! Lakini lazma niseme zile mistari zilinisugua nyarere(Yani zenye zilinichekesha): "Juzi njeve iligiviwa notice moja mbof na Yumbus mkuu" Olelele!! Dadii ii ni symbolism, metaphor ama personification?...heheh!! Yumbus Mkuu eh? alafu "Bilauri Magnifying" heheheh!! Magnifying glass? Hihihi!! Noma Ungem!!...hihihi!!!
...na zile supuu zita kanjwa ma-respect bado…"Ngoso imezusha kiplani vile naisugua kubandika risto poa...." Soga sawa yuu chapwa ivo ivo!!! Io mstari iko order!! Mandae kumobika eh? Nota Bene...new sheng' gymnastics!! Lakini mezesha risto za Admantium...wengine kaa mimi nilichapanga blackout!! Yani kabla useme ni X-men...
Kirima na yeye akaanza kutuskizisha risto za kamutii...io risto iliwanga funny dezine ingine fyam...Ati lefa anapanua miguu kaa mishenarri? Hihihi!! Ai Ulinishagga na straw.... na risto yako ni venye tu blogger imeringa...haifunguki apa ivi...tutaichambua...hehe!!
Farmgal aka Sista-Shake aka Ms.TB aka Propagator....Hihihi!! Izza lakini ahem!! Hihihihi!! Acha tu ni lengeshe stori, yako nitachambua ninii mzima nikikuanzia...hihi!! Lakini propu ya Bantu ngumi kwa hewa...
Unyc(Q): Aha!! Stori apa ni ma-corpse kifo tu, manzi anakaa anastuff hatushoo streeess? nini?...heheh!! Yenyewe maswali zikaulizwa ama ni maQ zilirushwa? Hihihi!! majibu zikasiagwa juu ya watu ku-piga ndoo mateke-Heheheheh!! Kwani msee amepata kichaa? Nini? Hihihi!! Ama alihata ball...Alafu nimecheki usanii imetamba eh? "Nanii hulala na wa-shee for a fee"...mammii ulinishagga for free!!

Eheee!! Saa mnacheki venye muthii hugwara meno akiandika kikwetu eh? Hihihi!! Lakini revolution inaspread ki-pantha (Black Panthers) au vepe? Ninii yangu ya kwanza ilinitoanga jasho vimwadhara!! Yani unaandika mstari moja (io risto ya kuswap masyllable isizidi) mara nne! Unaiandika

Ammmm...

2007-03-14T13:22:00.000+03:00

This is just a little key-press doodling to break the vicious writing lethargy that had been threatening to choke the Bantu-life out of me...
The revolution is spreading...hehheee!! Agiasi ameduu ninii na kikwetu...Well today I just felt like speaking out...Out of the plentiness of my...goodness wat do I even have in plenty?!
Farasi zimeanza mbio, punda ziko nyuma kidogo...na sii wote tuko macho. Lakini io racecourse ina vitimbi mbao mbao!! Enyewe siasa zina wenyewe...maoni ya Bantu ni ya Bantu..."Infact I was forced to go to London!!...." Sawa sawa!! Nimeacha!! nimeacha...Hehhehe!!
Ammm what else...still doodling...

Baada ya mwezi(si miezi, MWEZI ) tatu...
githaa ni 5:30...
"Saa mdosi iko ivi nataka raise,"(saa izo boyzz ana kumbuka haezi enda kubonga juu ya ii na wale mafala mtaani...saa wamegeuka kuwa mafala...) "Ile risto yetu we hushinda ukinishoo ati tutabonga....nataka tubonge saa ii", Jamaa after kuwitness ma-nyegelisation amekuwa ka-don kwa ofisi..."Nanii give me time, kuna process apa siunaelewa? These things take time but I'll sort you out, just give it time...",Boss anajaribu chapa sheng' na uyu ngamia mwenye alimshika akiji-organise na sec. Ebu turudi nyuma mdogo mdogo...
>>Yumbus after kucheki mambo, time ya kwanza aliamua kuachia mdosi ili acheki kaa ataendelea...akacheki iliwanga kawaida jamaa (Mdosi) kujitibu na Nyako (sec) kila Thursday...Saa boyzz wetu si ni mjanja, alinunua mongorio ya ka-mera, *anajuana na wasela flani apo riverroaddi*
...Ka-Thursday flani apo boyz after kuskiza ma-vowels dakika na kwenda part ya ka-mera kwa simu...Akaingia kwa offisi....Ka-chap ka-chap!!!Ghetto-razzi. Heheheh!! Na akatoka akiwa amevaa smile ingine apo deadli!! Friday asubuhi juu wi-fe yuu kujanga...Boyzz wetu aka-amua lazma ajimu-? ajimudu...eh? Hihihi!! Sa nikwenda kwa ofisi...kufika kwa Sec, ka-nyako kanazusha, "We! boss ako bizi!! Usiingiee.." Lakini boyzz ashaafungua mlango...anaingia ndani karibu mdosi ajinyonge saa yenye alim-scope!! Anamwangalia ni kaa jamaa wetu ame-mpoint na mtoo, dezine ya Matheri eh? Hiihi!! Boyzz wetu akachapia matha (Yani wi-fe wa mdosi) ki-smilo kingine apo ivo ngori alafu akamgotea...Kucheki ivi...Mdosi akasimama kuuliza boyzz nini imemleta...
Jamaa amerelaaaasK hajalishwi na aneee anasema: "The secretary told me you had something for me?" jamaa wetu si mbuzi, kingoso anaelewa!! Mdosi anajifanya venye paliwanga na ma-karatasi aliwanga anatumana...Anaokota zenye ziko juu ya desk..."Ok. take these to the office on the ground floor" (Si mnakumbuka tuko 6th?)...Alafu phone ya boyzz inalia kidogo alafu inapoa...ni message..(Aliwanga ameshoo dere amgee dakika tano after waachane alafu amchapie please-call-me...boyzz wetu mjanja eh?) Saa boyz anatoa phone polepole akiangalia mdosi kando kando...mdosi saa ii amefura kaa funyu za Stevo(Funyu ni mandazi, ama mahamri..hihihi!!)..."Just go take your call outside 'nanii'", Jamaa anarudisha phone kwa mfuko alafu anasema: "Iliwang...I mean it was just a message boss, sorri"...Alafu wife kuskia ivi anaambia mbuyus(Boss) "Are you this harsh with your people?" Heheheh!! Boyz anasmile tena alafu anaaga wife...<<
"Wee ii githaa yako imeisha!! Mi nataka dough ama nikaimbe kwa Mrs., Ii mwezi mambo zifanyike...ukumbuke picha bado ninazo..."
Hihihi!! Yani boyzz ujanja amejaza kwa obla(o)ngata...
Mezesha tu mezesha...hehehe!!

Starbucks in China?

Waschana wawili wanaenda kucheza kwa playground..wanakuta boyz akilia kwa field peke yake....kajamaa hakajawacheki....wa-shee wana-anza kucheka cheka...hihi!!

I'll leave you with some words from my man MosDef- "Shame is a prison and discusion is a fortress"
Acha niivishe...
Mjivinjari...lakini.
Ei by the way geuss who's the new Bookworms editor....mmmmmh!! Ja my peoples, kwa ivo ukisoma mbuku, journal...article na ikubambe....siuandike review basi ata sii tupate uhondo? Ama? Review zitumwe kwa kbwbookreview@yahoo.com...
Nangoja...Nusulimbi unacheki job nafanya? Heheheh!! NAMKIANDIKA NA SHENG' sanifu...hihihi!! THE BETTER!! Nusu I hope you didn't read that...hihihi!!
"Idara ya utabiri wa hali ya hewa imetabiri....oh screw that! Miezi tuta kutahata mvua!! Maombi ama?"
Wee achani niende...Badae basi...

ImeKAAAM!!

2007-03-01T14:07:00.000+03:00

Vwala! Me's here! (Arms wide open like that nani's legs...)ata the "Connection Lost...Try Again!"S couldn't stop mwa ama ni moi? Well the Doom is obviously indicative of something...You know I finally figured out why all the kali kali duducides are usually making some reference of some kind to roaches...Have you ever encoutered a fully grown esKtremely healthy(Yani well-eaten) roach...the brown shiny esKoskeleton, them nasty feelers, the speed the darned speed! The noise they make when they land on their backs and can't turn over, vichwa na kadhalika....and let me make this Bantu-clear, this is in no way an indication of the state of affairs at maskan. I'm waging chemical warfare to annihilate all traces of entomological existence(Saa cheki nyi wote mki shidwa ka Bantu anaeza kuandika sentensi ya kilami...hihihi!! Haiya!! Moving on...) kwa jake(Keja), off course after considering the biological option which entailed domesticating a chameleon but reptilia in-a-mi maskan! Aaah no...
This is a decree to all the resident Cockoroachitas: Thamathafas you betta take cover! Hakuna Guantanamo its apoCALYPSO time...and how I'll dance...
Oh and those skinny b*Atches too...Anafilisquitositas! Yes indeed, even YOU beware ni kubaya!! Messing with me will get you a whiff closer to quito-Heaven/Hell....
Ati a roach can live 7 days without its head *shiver*->Heardsay. Kusema ukweli these are the most scary crawlers out there...ati paranoia?! Ebu I tell you something that you already know...these things have survived the Ice-Age (Ma-dinosaur ziko?) sh*Att nimeishiwa!! Ehh..Christ aka kamm na akaziachanga papa hapa...Black plague...ata Standard ikaraidiwa! Lakini wapee! Shonde! these baggas have been around kwa ivvo don't look at me funny coz I freeze when I see them scurry past...Hey actualli all 'o' y'all not scared by them AI! Mna shida! Bwaku!
Eeehe jana NTV iliwanga na ii kitu ya boyzz kutaka kuchambua Diago za lefa flani sijui wapi...Hiihihihi!! Guy was nyoroshwaad ndethe!! by mathes!! Nakwambia!! Aki niliraruka krazie....kwanza matha mmoja aliwanga ana-spank uyo jamaa na uso ya panga!! Ai!! Habari nagwambia!!
Artur Walizaliwa leo...So blow some candles or kill a roach or something....
KTN...ni mwaka mUpia! It was just a little issue of national security...I mean they had to raid you...some of these things you just have to understand...Gava ikikususpect they have the insurmoutable right to disregard our rights...just understand and moooove onn! Its not a biggie! Hihihi!!!
Salamu toka 1st Mútumia...
In other news...the esteemed Bantu recently acquired "Iced in/out" Grillz n Dayuuum! Si anang'aaaaa...*Bending over to lissen to Bill(see we're on first name basis now...)* "You know they didn't believe me about Monica, what makes you think...."

Ok. ushaawahi kupanda mat...2day I was trying my hand at ulami sooo: Have you ever gotten on a mat...the absolute lastie and you're relegated to the back seat(Waheshimiwa's lounge) and today was the day that you chose to wear those deeeeeep pocketed pants/traos ama for Modo's case surepwenyes...Alafu rafta anakamia Dough! We!! Mind you, you are the hotdog btwn two well endowed mammas...You shoulda seen me...alafu Nai kuliwanga kumenyesha...Moral: Ukiingia mat toa dough yako kabla uketi....You might end up touching somebodies mother where it counts most at a moment that it shouldn't...
"I see the God in you" always loved the sound of that but I've no idea what it means to date...ELP?
Weekendi Bomba!!

Coz I shiiiiiiver....Ne! Ne! Ne! Neeeeeeee! Ne!.....(Ms. Imbrulia)...

~The Bantu:Exterminator extraordinaire~ Hihihi I had to sneak that in...

Voluteers for documenting the aftermath of the massacre are welcamm....

>>Co'r'porate Sheng'?<<

2007-02-26T12:38:00.000+03:00

Nimezoea kugotea WA-tu(thii,shii[yani]) kabla ya kuchapa post, kwa ivo...kwachu kumbo(yani gotewa!! na ugoteke!!), ya ubeshte kawaida..

Ii kitu(post yani) si kaa iliwanga inataka kusomwa...nimeipoteza, nikaiandika tena, nika-realize haikuwanga ivo...nikaitupa recycle bin(pamoja na Mama B)...na saa ii nimeifanya tena tu juu ya ma-presha. Basicalli iliwanga soga...haikuwa ati niwachapie risto...zi! Iliwanga kaa promotion ya sheng'(Si mnajua 'venye si hufanya'>Mashifta). "Ei jamaa ameanza kubonga kaa Che Guevara! Promo??!". Heheh!!, revolution nakwambia!! ||Kandokando:Ukoo flani ndo wanatumbuizzz(a)...playlist iko ivi:Hustle 24-7, D.C.,Mazishi ya Polisi(Hewa ya wiki), Chunguza, Mizani na Ka huniamini. Saa naomba mapawa zisikatike...K-Swiss Mbuyus!!![Incase humjui, ni yule jamaa cleft-lip kwa Mashifta-Wenye walikuletea "Majambazi"] Uu jamaa ako order(yani fiti), Mistari kaa ii...ai! "We si Jaa-mbazi, we ni Shabiq, kuambia marafiki zako mi ni mnafiq, keep off! macho zako kwa biashara zangu kama ki-poff! Haha!...", "Na slaaap makafiri na Smyyyl ni ya ngiri, hakuna tyyyype ya siri,unaeza tuficha, tume kuwekea wiiiiire kwa mwill!" UJI MOTO!!||

mBack to Beer-shara, miaka mbao na... ya skuli-Brainwash education alafu unamwagika concrete jungle, kuji-bamba na graduate euphoria,"Nasaka janta bana" Hihihi>>>Sa umengia panel...INTERVIEW...Naitwa ____, nimefanya(Chuo yani) _____, izi ndo maraKAta!-rakatasi, maswali mbao na-, tatu zimeumana ati "WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO BRING TO OUR ORGANISATION?" Ati?!! Ngamia nyinyi! nimekamm kuwinda waxx unaniuliza swali ya ushenzi ivo? Si nyi ndo mnafaa kunikanja mafta (Kunipatia pesa yani,hehe!!)...kwani mliamkia shada/ganja/mmea/godi nini?..."Eeeeh, eeeh..." ndo jibu, Izo maswali zingine zinakuchapa bale(Kofi) bado...Ukishamada,watu mbao na- wamengoja kwa lobbi.>>Io ndo inaitwa kushikika gwadi-vipropa<<...kwa ivvo unaingia lift. Bana! Ata kuitumia?!! Ngoja wathii waingie wafinye ma-buttons ama Ukataka, wabonyeze vidude, ufike chini[Hihihi! Ulipanda na stairs hadi 16th...,Kushuka unawajibika lifti...image my people..image ni kila kitu]...

Sawa profile kidogo:Kila concrete jungle kwa dunia ina urban culture...Ama najikashiff?(aaa..Iyo najua mnajua!AMA najienjoyii)...enyewe yetu[kalcha,yani] ni sawa kaa walefa wetu-waKenya-[washii wote,nduru tafadhale],Milo angequote Non(z)ini: "Manzi wa Narobi", Kiswaili(Bantu{2} na Mwarabu) wakaizalisha...bila uchungu( ya uzazi yani...woi washee![hehe!])...maExtacy tu...hihi!!Si nyi hucheki kucheka ni hobbi..ndo maana nimejificha kwa ii giza ya Bantutu-Bloguspace[Maskan], nikiichochea...

Saa ukishaa shikika gwadi(mnazijua? ni mbili, na ni raundd, na ninazo,hihi! Lakini akina DQ hawana, Mko?!)...vipropa...hehehe...Miaka na- unachapwa marejection(Nani alicheki Accepted? Hihihi!), madisappointment zina panda ||Kandokando:Ai bana nimebambika tu mbaiYa!!!! Ka huna Kilio cha Haki ai bana! Ukoo ni wakali kaa Maumau!!Kawaida yao kuwacha watu hoi kila mara! || mafrustation zinagonga mamlango za ubongo...unakumbuka ulikuwa unapenda kuchora..hee! Shamba la mawe-maskan ya Babi...>>Saa apa umefika ile platform inaitwa Kurauka<<>

Leo ni Friday(si ati LEO NI FRIDAY!!),waxx umemada githaa yako kawaida 6:00PeeEm...Kachap kwa ma-3, unagotea rafta/konkodi/condi/eeeh Kandakta ||Kandokando:gideon boots-Richie Spice[big-up ma Dee-J wote wa Doba(Reggea yani)!]|| boy wa mtaani...30 minits umefika..20 minits mmeshikana na ma boyzz-Veve time is holy-time: Wewe>>"Saa simnaskia jana mdosi alinitumanga We-? westie," wadhii wanakuheshimu juu we huenda concrete-jungle waxx(job yani...Mko?!!) sawa..soga iendelee,"Kuliwanga kitu 5, ei si mii nikabonga na dere, nikamshoo stori ya mdosi na tukaivisha...shugli shugli, tuliwanga tunarudi kitu 6:30...Eeeh saa sinikupelekea mdosi ma-file zake...zenye niliwanga imetumwa nikaget...Lift(Saa ii naeza mpaka zi unda!! Hihihi!)..prrrrrr hadi 6th floor..Ma-afisi hazina watu...Lakini ya mdosi bado stima inawaka...So si saa nikuzipele-? peleka..Hihihi!! Nikafikanga kwa mlango...Ma-sauti...ebu kwanza", ati ma-suspense, unatoa ka-big-g unakatoa wrapper moss moss...maboyzz wanataka kukurausha juu ya ii...Veve, check!.."...baaaas mi naskia tu ma-"Mh! Mh! Mh! Oh!..." Saa io mboyzz wanaburst..Yani unawachorea io risto...dezine ya arch-? Architect!![Archer acha kujibamba!! hehehe!!](yani uliSonga soga timam,told a really good stori..)|| Kando:Mizani...Wenyeji...bob mavichwa..Mh..mh!||...Mdosi na sec...classic ama? Kila time io risto yuu bamba...So ndio umeingia corporate jungle propa >>Saa apa panaitwa U-enyeji<<...

Mastuffs zakuandika zimeisha lakini part ya next ni >>Ujanja<<...Human instinct unayo, kwa ivvo information unajua kuitumia...Io ni post mzima...hehe!!

So Corporate sheng' mmecheki/mmescope/mmeona risto ya boyzz na shamba ya mawe na babi...hhhm! Itaendelea lakini...Kuandika si ni ngumu...

Puuuuuusss? Puuuuusss? Uko wapeeee!

Yani hakuna msee anajua kupika Biriani? KBW! Niaje!! Hehehe!!

Mabadae basi...

>>Presha toka Bomseh na Unyc...

Io ndo "niniii"(post yani, suggestions za jina fiti zinakaribishwa) yangu ya Kwanza kuduu bila ulami lami...Tunaendelea....hehe!! Makofi nimejipigia...kwa ivo msipige...hihi!! Nadhani kuna haja ya kuskia venye boyzz wetu alidu na info...

Lakini badae...Mtaka cha mvunguni aliinama akavunjika mbavu...lakini kuna venye alikuwa amemengo(Agiasi ana majibu) na yule jamaa aliwanga ametupa toothpick zake chini ya bed...

>>Ii part ya soga inaitwa kujikata<<

Io Si Haki?!!

2007-02-23T09:44:00.000+03:00

This is not a post, rather(Ngoso!!), its a stream of Bantu-Boo-Hoo inspired by the "heated?" exchange that ensued after Unyc did her "Yeiih!-Matheri's-Dead" post. Ok. for y'all that read the post she'd done before...that reaction was understandable...almost expected, ama?. Well lets see...
►Celeb gangsta reigns terror for a spell (I wish wuld have been more graphic...ni venye sina facts..)
►Number 1 most wanted gangsta (yeah, him) taken down...I mean executed(for the human rights activists...).
►Took 200 waKopa\Freesk\Karau et cetera to do it...(hihihi!! Its haha kidogo...ama nacheka peke yangu?)
And the guy is still reigning ata Post-humously!! "Humaniterianly"<<-Sidhani io ni jina,hehe!!, blogospherically?Ai leo maneno yanaundwa eh?..
Ai ata kaa sijui kuandika vitu kaa izi (If you've noted the list terminated prematurely...hihi) githaa ingine lazima msela ajirelease mdogo...au vepe?
So iko ivi...Tuko homeland jameni!! Uyu jamaa wasee wa human-rights wameamua wamtumie kaa poster-child wa campaigne yao..ai! Jamaa aliwanga amerausha umati vi-excess...alafu sasa unataka kuniambia ati...Sisemi ati 'Shoot-to-kill' iwe policy lakini kuna zile ma-exception, yumbus aliwanga ameshajulikana ni ye?...Ni yeye(hehehhe,Si mnajua io stingo ya risto?) na aliwanga amemara waKopa wenzao...in addition to wale wathii wote innocent alimada, kwa ivo kaa freesk aliget trigger happy.... Sawa najua iyo statement ina maloophole kibao! Lakini man hatuezi kaketi natuanze ku-idolise uu jamaa...ati "wee Bantu kwani umekuwa judge?". Labda nabonga ki-ushenzi tu juu nadhani freesk kuchukua justice kwa mikono zao venye walidu ilituconsole kidogo ati "Kweli karao wanagwara crime"...well watever it is man: I WILL NOT,call it INJUSTICE, A GUY WHO HAD (I say this reservedly coz the source of my info was ish ish) HIS OWN DADDY ON A HITLIST!!! NO WAY!!
Alafu kitu ingine ilinibamba na argument ya awa wathii ni ati Matheri angesaidia Freesk kuget io rende ingine yake..heehe!! Wape!! Alafu bado stori za "Persuation" kaa zingetumiwa ungewaskia tena wakipanua mastropa(yani midomo...DQ uko?Hehehe!!)...Guy is (Mungu sina Beef) better off dead...the way it happened is immaterial, it was bound to happen sooner or later...and just like it was said he even took a shortti(njia-mjanja) to the grave...Imagine kaa niwale wathii wa Gachie...eh? Mnge...I mean Wangekuwa wakisema? Eh?
Disclaimer(confession maana ya ii jina eeeh..labda ita-apply):I did not say that the judicial process should be replaced by vigilantism,aah ah! Zi!! Ata mi naelewa acha kushuku!! Nakwambia naelewa!! Mhhh! ma-danger za kuachia karao io responsibility ya kuwa majaj...lakini kitu sita lala nayo ni ii sheshe awa wathii wa human rights wanataka kuanza juu ya Matheri...jamaa was condemned before he even stepped out of the Keja na roaddi zote ziliwanga zinaelekea destination moja...kwa ivo...Eeeh, Unyc yuu sema jijazie? eeeh! io!
Na karao kaa mnaskia, ii si license ya kuhanda boyzz mtaani juu anakaa aaa ama ooo! Zi!!Lakini acha tu niwagotee...Kazi fiti!
All views esKpressed in the above stream of expression...welcome challenge, rebuke, trashing, support perhaps? *wink!*, and everything else raw that this Matheri-didn't-deserve-the-deadly-bullet debate has ignited in your insides...
Lakini kabla nijikate, kuna ii kitu ilisemwa na jamaa mmoja uko Kiambu...ati "awa watu" wanajua ndio wamefanya kuwe na watu kaa Matheri...hmmm....
Today marks the fifth day sijacheki pussi...Wenye wanacheka eeeeh...chekeni tu..Mta..mta...mt...ngojeni tu...
BIRIANI...ammmmm....usaidizi tafadhali...kuna mtu anadhani najua kuipika...na ndio! mi hupika!! Na si sembe pekee...Oi! Modo na kuku!! Hehehe!!
Nimeivisha...

Cartoons...

2007-02-12T16:41:00.000+03:00

Ebu kwanza niwaambie wote wenye wanangoja...Ile ingine...Niliblanda nikaipoteza...sooo mtangoja ni fikirie tena...

Some of these floored me...

These guys'll make fun of you vi-propa!! Izza "Bams"(Click uione vifiti....)

ASSB...my people!!

Achha!! si ata mi nataka demAstration

For the Ngamias..DQ? Mtoto ya Ngamia eh?

Ma ma ma maaaa!! Don tempt me Jamaaaa! {Black Eyed Minjis(peas mmh!) tune...

Mmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhh!!!!! (Ile ya constipation!!) Mmmmhhhh!!!

REVOLUTIONARY!!..woof woof!!

OK....

Mhhh!(Contemplative)

Ammmmm! Badae...si basi?...Warembo wote si mjivinjari mbaya!...Maboyzz mjipange...

Memorial

2007-02-08T16:34:00.000+03:00

Vepe wathii!!

Saa iko ivvi...am getting a make over thanks to Pekiro Customs Inc. And aaah that necessitated that I put lady B to rest....

First Lady

"We've come far you n me....from the days of the immobile city clock(forget it if you thought I'll give you a link!!Hihihi!) to where we're @ now-wherever that is..., from your mother-Teresa's-got-nothing-on-me head gear to your "You call those earings,eh?" earings. From your hard ass aTT to your matching hair(*Whispering* they don't have to know that was the reason for the kitamba(y)a). Your legs. Your blatant detestment of Gíthúngú(yani Kilami) and to think am doing your eulogy in the same thing...Rest in peace B..I won't be the same without you...I just hope I'll be better..."

She lavvd y'all...she really did!! I'll miss her...let it be know that as she lies in my recycle bin waiting to be resotored or banished to digital nothingness...I will miss her...

This is what/who am leaving her for:

I still don't have a name...for IT....

The Bits salute Pekiro!!

Am off to assimilate "The New Moi"...

coming soon:"CORPORATE SHENG'"

Jill Scott - Getting In The Way

2007-02-05T20:06:00.001+03:00

Aniway I wanted to try out that video post thing:
Here Goes the Bantu....
This is one of my greats...right up there with akina Bob, Erykah Badu, Eric Kuinaina, Didge...Watu wanajua kukuimbia..propa!!
This one is called "Getting in the way"...

Just for the sake of it

2007-02-05T15:07:00.000+03:00

The Kanyau...of earlier that received soo much love from akina Bomseh, Pekiro, and the Crew...but ended up putting me to the test shonde-wise...brought to my keja a new addition. A chik-puss...It's also grey but with white spots. So now I have a couple to entertain this month...Shit!!! Am staring to sound like a mlami for Christo's sake! ati I'll be building a ramp in my maskan for their exercise... or worse; a purrson{Ebu soma post ya Aegeus uelewe} Aniway thats besides the point...
Leo I just think I'll just sooth "The Bits" with random key strokes...

You can run but you can't run faster than me so just try running....

--------

Dala<<>>Mat

Rafta(My absolute favorite word)<<>>Conductor

---------

Did I see Aguambo holding a Bible swearing....ama I was subconciously watching a Kenyanised version of....... aaaah! Na venye io sentensi iliwanga ime cummmm-baya!! Hihi, Enyewe kingoso ni gift walisahau kunikanja....saa yenye walinitengeneza....

Aniway I wanted to try out that video post thing:

Here Goes the Bantu....

Twende!! C'moon Tokea, you you-tube tubulous tube!!

Izzeni, I think Dorcas got to it first..

And you know when that happens...

THAT HAPPENS...^^^

Tutabondana soon.....Wanunuaji wa maua watch out for a m-guys who will be pedalling red/pink bounganivelias(I wrote it the way it sounds, so bite me!!) as FROM fRIDAY...

To all my peoples

The video was Jill Scott's "Gettin in my way" Track bomba!! she's right up there among my greats with akina Bob 'Nestor' Marley, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Eric Kuinaina...Yani the pack..

You wulda enjoyed..

Shoot! Leo ni Monday and its 5 to 5pm....5 to 9am in another time zone....

Kusonga Soga...Ki-Bantu

2007-01-28T15:40:00.000+03:00

"Cheri, Minty legion of apologies: I can't control Jekyll> Raaaa!!"

Hahaha!!
Io post ingine iliwanga na stress kibao(Kwangu)...hehe! Lakini bantu amerudi...Kufyeka kilami tu, au vipe?...Inaitangwa de-colo....Ebu niache kabla mnimare...Nawa-scope....Akina Pota io kona, DQ ile ingine....na..yani mmengoja tu nimade kusema mnikamie...hihi!!
______________________________________
Mnakumbuka ile samthing ya jobless corner?...maBoyzz wanabangaizz wakiumma vako, juu ya gomba mbovu, kwa mawe,karibu na roaddi...Unaskia boyzz anasema: "Aiii!! Leo yani naskia joto kwa macho! Nikaa nina holyspirit", alafu ati: "Eh, leo jua ni noma", muthii wa macho: "Siku izi ni SOLAR bana!..kwani hujaskia iliongezeka joto!"saa io jamaa wetu ametaffffuna dedlli, na sura!!Wee!" Msee wa jua: "Aaaaaah skia mshenzi! Ati solar?! Jamaa tuliza jani bana, inakuchizisha...hehe!" Jamaa wa solar: "Ati?!(anatishia kuamka), Mshenzi ni wewe, kwani huskiangi habari? Walami wanadai ati solar inaendelea kupata joto na sii wote tuko karibu kuiva...wanaiita sijui lobo warming"... Msee wa jua ana burst deadly!! "Haaaaa! Wasee skieni Omosh ati saa ii amekuwa mngoso...ati Holi spirrit, lobo warming!!!!" Maboyzz wanararuka mbaya!! Alafu lefa/m-she/chrome/dende:"Milo?" ana-approach...amestaaaannd! Anasonga kaa landrover ya Urezzo githaa ya public holiday, ka-chap...ka-chop.... Omosh ameradika ako zile za: "Mamamamamamama!" ma-mdomo zote zimechora zero...alafu jamaa wa jua: "Niaje mamii, kam tubonge juu ya lobo warming na holi spirrit!!!" ~~Vicheko~~
Alafu wanarudia debate: Omosh: "Kamero we uwanga malenge sana!..." kabla hajamada, boy flani anatokea...Kamero anatoa suggestion, "Omosh bas tuulize uu jamaa...We!..eeh mbuyu!! Vepe! saa nikuulize,Unaona ile?..."-pointing at the sun- "ile pale ivo, inaitwa jua ama Solar".... Boy wetu ameshangaa dezine ingine mwadhara...anascope machizzi, venye wanatafuna alafu anasema: "Aaaa zi, mi sijui...mi ni mgeni huku", Kamero anamwangalia kidogo, alafu anasema: "Sawa basi, We Omosh tungoje boy wa mtaa, Utaskia...ati solar?!" na majamaa wakaendelea na gaso yao...Ivo ndo mi niliambiwaNGWA...

Ii usanga ya WSF ya mahanyenge kudai wanataka...Wanaziita lubricant?...Ni...ni...ata sijui...Bana!! Watoi mtaani wanadedishwa na malaria...eeh! "Mnajua wathii huskizanga news wanadhani ati saa ngori ya dawa imeisha...lakini matha anapeleka katoi kake hosi anaambiwa supply imeisha...alafu naskia ungamia kaa ii!! kwendeni uko!! Ati lubricant?! Tumieni mate!!"

Hehe!!
Niaje wa-shee! Naskia season ya macupid ina-knock...

Salamu bomba toka paka...Miau!! Rau riau!
--Props for DENDEs that sass out the heading...Anti-Ngamia props--

Ebu wathii niivishe...githaa mbaya!!

Ata Sijui!!

2007-01-26T17:12:00.000+03:00

The Do-Gooder Apocalypse:
Am probably totally incapable of saying anything remotely helpful to anybody’s want-to-know hunger…but, people’ll surprise you sometimes, even I of infinite superficial thought process…believe me.

Am a huge believer in the nobility of the human spirit. And that tends to get me screwed over more times than everybody’s monthly provision-so when you get through a month without disappointment, you know who to thank… “Me tooks your fall, Person! Me did! Lady luck is my ex-girl and she’s superER than Uma Thurman”, when errthing is just dandy FOR ME, I get anxiety attacks like the one I had on Monday…

People are like F’d up dispensable compasses that are always getting you to take detours, and after an odyssey of them, of like 2 decades (don kid your self, even your mums is a person) you’re/I’m are at this place where you/I think, “Meeen my life sucks, and it will continue sucking…exponentially”. Spoken like a truly staunch reality fugitive, yes yes I know…Story of my life! So after getting a feline mate to attempt to dilute some of the suckabilty that is so abundant in me life, I get screwed over again…lessjassay toilet habits fly out of the window when you incarcerate KAPUSI at night with nothing to do for entertainment save for playing rodent raider all night. I almost had it on Monday when HE defiled my slipper…eeky eeky eeky!! Dark, slimy and cold shiAtt. But it’s a kitty at least, not another person…

Another detour! “My compass forever points south…but at least its easy to tell the direction with me…just go anti-bantu advisement”. My word! What was I saying, yes, I was on some crap about believing in people? Yeah, on Monday, am at my favourite banda (for food, the semi-cooked kind you go continue the job at maskan) “Ha Stevo” and then this mathe, seeing that I’ve bought Dondo, and can’t convince Stevo’s wife to let me carry nyanya mbe… (2 tomatoes), offers to, get this, have me over for supper… Ok. Bantutu, you’re lying! Of course am lying!! Who in their right mind does that in “_____”!, …she seems to recognise me, and I her eventually, after the mouth wide open reaction and closer scrutiny, she breaks into this disturbingly insouciant smile. WTF! That face, those spectacles!
Mathe: Haiya, B ni wewe!
Bantu: Eh Mathe?
Mathe: Kwani ni nini mbaya? *Almost maternal*
Bantu: Aaah, ni mama Makau haamini sina deni yake…anasema ati nina 40 bob yake!
Mathe: Ooooh! Mi nilikuwa nimecam kununua candle…*Blackouts are not uncommon, what am I on! Blackouts are our livelihoods…hihi!!*
Bantu: Festo alipata shule? (This was his aunt, for those of thee who remember, and the glasses on her eyes were the exact same ones I’d bought for him and his myopia)
----Small talk----
30 seconds… then, “Whiteon”:Stima zikarudi yani…She returns the candle and asks for her Kinde/ ashu /ten-bob, BTW: I heard someone say Mbashu? 30 bob? If you know anything about its authenticity…speak, before I tell him to get original…I mean please, MBAo+aSHU oldest trick ever!! Anyway, in the space of that 2-3-4-5? seconds that my eyes helplessly followed the oscillating movements of her shuka-covererd nether, I felt hollow, like a prelude to those defining moments in life said to be the motivation for people doing the drastic nasty. Charity’s is bitch.
Anyway I get to maskan and put the boiled Dondo and 2 tomatoes on my stool! Yes! I said tomatoes, am not klepto but I guess in the excitement of WhiteOn, Stevo’s wife must have forgotten I still had the two tomatoes I’d been trying to acquire on credit, and just so we’re clear: I also had no clue I was still having them…Ukweli!
“Deya (miracle-tomatoes)!!!”.
And now the moment you’ve been craving for: how I’m going to end this charade of …aaah I don’t even have a name for it.

Oh Yeah! Dorcas…She was my neighbour’s mboch and she used to b*tch everytime I went over their house to watch T.V. or call boyz to come out to play, Unataka nani? Eh? Hayuko! Rudi kwenu! Hehehe, anyway I once b*tch’d right back and it dint go down well n I ended up with a neat whooping after which me never stepped into that house again… “Where was the nobility of the human spirit then!!” hihi!! That was what she was: a …words fail me…
~THE END…t.b.c.~

Kitu tu

2007-01-17T13:44:00.000+03:00

So Ok. I aaaah Don't really have anything worth saying to say...

Lakini, ebu...labda, Kaa mliscope NTV 16th yani Jana...Ile crackdown ya mbwa Huruma...sad really... Enyewe ilinikumbusha sijawashoo nilipata keja-mate.....[mwingine Unyc,si uyo!]>>

He's grey, he WAS stray(and am not tryin to andika ryhme) and now he's Bantutu's...Nakwambia having a cat is grand...esp if you live alone-and are used to it, and the cat is potty-trained...na imezoea ku-hustle...and its a jamaa!! Gold-mine people! DHAHABU!!

I have decided not to name it...yes, itakaa 'Mathenge-mode', Its not one of those old-boys-of-the-hood type of cat...so am expecting haitakuwa ngumu kui-tune. Lakini the real reason behind the inspiration to get the cat was...something much smaller and tastier to Mr.Gray (Na io sio jina yake!!) than the rice I fed it yesternight....

What does getting a cat mean aniway...some people laughed and told me it was a chic thing: Shindwe wao!! Labda una ma-opinion zako..

Ama niite Bantutu...hehe!!

Stated:

2007-01-09T12:20:00.000+03:00

Fact: Black cotton soil’ll leave your fingers stained black at the ends like some pathetic junkie…for like a week!!
Fact: Cockroaches existed since the times of the dinosaurs and they’re still here!!…My phobia’s valid! Those things…huuuu…*shiver*!!
Fact: Anybody who suggests that you take up selling flower-lings and tree-lings…ati-“Its only for the weekend…and you won’t believe how they’ll fly…”, is seriously joking with your sane membrane, You’re better off hawking; jump off a cliff with a rope wrapped around his neck before he screws you up superiorly!!
Fact: Nowadays the heat/freesks/Karau/Mister PalismanS… is stupider than the goons, so when you meet up with the former in a dark alley (Do those even exist in your mtaa?) IVISHA/KATIKA/RUN/FLEE! …You can reason, reasonably might I add, with the latter.
Kimbia fasta, toka nduki we kimbia, ukianguka, ukiumia inuka vumilia!!
Fact: Hunger.
Fact: War.
Fact: Ignorance.
Fact: The health Minister’s cold makes prime time news. As stated earlier, corporate ngamias’ll write/air anything for their friggin sales/rates!!
Fact: Bob Marley was to music what Einstein was to Physics; any reggae-macs around? Africa Unite!! I’ll always love his tight jeans!!
Fact: Modo was the first to munch me bits…Gota mbuyu!!
Fact: I have the potential to get waxx/jobo/janta/kazi/work (Cherie “luzungu”) at Osewe’s as assistant to some assistant something, no?…I was doing community service in an institutional kitchen (don’t act all surprised! What? You think am pulling your leg? Haiya! Believe it!!), sembe ya watu 60 is not humorous…am talking serious muscle power, and for those not be-muscled…serious bone power…
Anyway am pretty sure Mr.Osewe could use a darned good kitchen-boy…like me?
Fact: These are my random words, seeds planted on the fertile ground that is blogosphere…watered by you…manured by him…pruned by her…OMG!!! I think they are growing! Thank YOU!! Yes you…
Fact: D.A.’s a fresian…
Fact: I love manicured female fingers and their pedi-equivalent…
Fact: I endeavour to love, to love my neighbourS indiscriminately, and teach benevolence to the little ones, indeed teach them to be cupid to warring nations…for these are actions deserving being christened Noble. And the Bantu is noble regardless of pre-held misconceptions…
Fact: Am amazed I actually wrote the previous one!!! Heheheh!!
Fact: First thing I’ll do when the time is ripe, and I mend the hole in my pocket is get a full body massage…I’m not admitting to anything!! So keep your inferences in check people!
Fact: Ndolo will…aaah I’d rather not say!!
Fact: I’ve run out of stuff to write so if you’ve got a fact…->JIRELEASE!!!!

Naumwa na chest

2007-01-08T10:19:00.000+03:00

Hey Y'all! 2 posts in two days!! Signs of things not to come...
I know I was a little cranky previously>>"Yani apo juu!" Apology accepted? Eh? No? Aaaah Ngamia wewe!!! Hehehe!!
Blame it on the changed date-end >>bla-bla-'07!! Its scary...and the House(of Yahweh) have repositioned their apoclypse prophesy, on the brink of political "Revolution"?? I feel like I just took a plunge off a cliff edge...no no hold up! You can't bungee jump off a cliff,or can you? *SisBigBones*? Aniway, feels like I jumped n the fall just began...anibody relate?? Basically what am sayin is that the beginning of something is always monstrously scary.
So Ms. 2007 whatever you think you’ll dish at this Bantu, Bring it on!!!
I said it I meant it!
I trust you had a Bantulicious time? Good!! Well mine…
Les begin, shall we?

One of the numerous episodes I played a role (leading) in:
We have a very interesting living arrangement at homeland(Ocha), ‘we’ denoting Mathe and the crew(mi na watu) alafu Cucu-yani grand nyake(sweetie). Now that’s one old woman with issues, currently her biggest- she’s taken a trip to toothlessville the type you’re gone for good. The two live in the same compound. This ‘compound’ just as a matter of mentioning is a spectacle begging some recognition, and well the fauna thriving in it…huku nikitigis(h)a kichwa… Ng’ombe(3), dogs(2 bitches one's expecting...), cat, Chicken(uncertain), Sheep(2), rabbits(6), bees (several thousands:I shit you not!!), Pegions(2,lovely creatures!!) and the occasional strays akina mbuzi meee(goats), snakes (green mamba: harmless but mathe’s reaction and face-muscle acrobatics PRICELESS!!!),porcupines et cetera.
So job ocha yuu wanga mwadhara…
I’m on one of grand-nyake’s assignments, the “please take the cows to the dip” type. Nakwambia!!
Sweetie’s cow is the devil’s advocate, she (the ng’ombe) hates me like its some kindda vocation or something.

Here’s the thing: going to the dip is a luxury afforded when a male member of the family is in the area code or occasionally when a sucker falls prey to their enhanced mind-control techniques. And the simple reason; the moment the ng’ombe sets its eyes on specie-mates, my word! Iraq knows no chaos than a Bantu-cow hornied up!!
Uncontrollable + hostile + coitally deprived and depraved ng’ombe= scared+ panicky+ amazed meeeenn! U shulda seen me, I just stood there,immobile, and watched as the three broke loose, devil’s advocate was running towards some mathe who had a big mtungi on her back, screamt like a banshee she did, mtungi down mguu niponye… .Cow no. 2 my masa’s milk factory(rememba Arshire??it is…), animal instinct >>“Must find bull”. Number 3 is a baby and it had a rope around its neck (gotta aKs, anibody with this experience? Probably not) the other end of the rope was firmly around my arm.
Jolted to alertness, am now struggling to subdue the calf. Devil’s advocate would-be victim is now throwing punch-lines, the really good vernacular kind, ut one thing’s things clear am not about to go after D.A. without some kind of insurance (really healthy) stick which I don’t have, so the hell with your mtungi!! Number 2’s just adorable I approach, cautiously of course, there were only two other cows around…I was gravely late to go to the dip… and gently ‘scratch’ the region below her mkundu {oops!} exhaust I mean. She (cow) must be feeling extacy…so I indulge her for like nusu dakika…long? I KNOW!!! I’m now 3 paces from the gate to the dip TRUIMPH! Ikishaaingia apo the rest’s down hill . Tembea no. 2 swim time 1..2..3 pow!! 1 down, no more!! The water’s filthy, the two women should see this…
Ok. Lemmi try my luck with the baby, calf for theys that care, I had tied the rope around a post that’s part of the intricate woodwork that makes up the architecture of the dip. “Twende!!”, twap!>mti yani kijiti “kwenda uko” kick! “Move!! songa!!”…finally tunafika!! 2 down…am going home, sweetie can…aaah…get a pump. D.A. …eh…not putting me life on zee ng’ombe line. Sweetie later called me a coward!!
Now all that’s left to do is to get D.A. and head out…The kijiti I have will have to do.
Apparently the mtungi lady’s gone and D.A.’s busy having breko…Mahindi kwa shamba ya wenyewe…before I can get to it…poor D.A…gets whacked like a nonsense by the owner? I think…In the mean time yours truly-stupid is running towards D.A. armed with the kijiti, you don’t want to intimidate D.A. rather I shouldn’t have, she’s I mean it’s now enraged…it emerges from the gap it had forced in the ka-I-don’t-know-the-Kilami-name-4-the-tree fence, kichwa trailed at Bantutu. Shock. Grand-matha headbutt kwa chest, ng’ombe edition. More shock.
“Am I alive??”
Currrrses!!
D.A.!!
The buggers that helped me did only that, helped me. I still had to ferry my flock back bomani.
…….This is what I was greeted with: “Aaah! What took you so long, we’ve been waiting your aunt just called, want….”Nikii sema na kilami inatokea ki-udu! Point is am supposed to go play porter for my aunt.
…This has brought new meaning to a phrase I picked up from school days “Think before you laugh”…
Wajameni hakuna kulalaaaa!!
Amani tu, mpaka Somalia, amani tu na Ethiopia amani.

“Amini na Utavaa Armani ama labda Versaci(sp)”
badae!!

Yani Imefika!!!

2007-01-07T18:53:00.000+03:00

Listen.....shhhhhh!!! I sed 'or shuld I spell it correctly?'.....ahhh...no!!...I sed listen.....

Can you hear it?
Ei bana!! There's nathin' to listen to....Don't start the year ngamia style!....hahahaha!!

I've been journeying Oh hell!! Kilami kime blanda!!

Niliwanga na zunguka zunguka mablog za wathii na washii wenyeee>>>mnajijua!!
Ati nu year stori za last year! Mambo mob!! Mi ado niko black-out, si ati mahappenins hazikuhapen zi zi!!
Ni kushtuka tu!!
Na By the way Sinanga resolutions....

Tuonaneni karibuni....
Ruben Ndolo ndo eM Pee wangu....

Kuoga.COM

2006-12-14T13:22:00.000+03:00

"Majorly written in aaah....URBAN SWAHILI ....hihi! at least I think so..... So don't bite my head off!!"

October wiki ya tatu
Ukweli ni: sijazoea wathii wakaniamsha ma-dark>>12:30;kunisho; ati hao ya neibba ina-blaze; ati nitoe ma-bako (@DQ:Bucket!!hihi!!*wink*); ati nikam kusaidia; ati tuchote maji kwa bafu yangu-hao zetu ni zile, bafu yuu wanga nje ya jake-....unacheki io filo kwa OblanGata??.... kwa ivo>>ATI!??!!

..."Sawa ingieni" (pauanga na ka-gate mless kabla uingie corridor ya nje, BTW ata hakuna corridor ndani ya k'A'ja,so by now m-megess ni mtaa gani?? Eh?...hihi!!)...."Bako(Bucket!!..na sirudii!!) nina mbili, na karae moja, bako moja ina manguo>>mziekelee kwa kimawe....nakam, acha ning'are trao".....Mi-ulala io dezine ya boxa na.....

...."mmejaza maji? aah fiti fiti!! Situivishe basi"....na Bantu akainama kuokota karae......
...niliinuka kaa muthii aliwanga swimo na kladi!!
...sheshe sheshe!!.....Nakishika boyz mashati..kwa wall, pu!!....maswali maswali!! Boyz anacheka.....mi sicheki, ata smyl hakuna......anaendelea kuburst....."Ala nini mbaya!!!"

....."Ati Badth-day?!! Jamaa umewai shada!! Unaniamsha saa sita kunichapa na maji alafu unadai badth-day?!! Bana!! achanga u-ngamia!!!(4 sam strange reason that word always finds its way outta my mouth in times of rage....hihi!!) naalikusho ati ni badth-day yangu??.....

Stori iliishanga apo juu iliwanga Wenesday, na maboyzz waliwanga....eeeh? nyi u-sema aje? Bilaz?? hehe!! ndo io!! ...Otha wise in some otha part of me I was secretly amazed they kumbukaad....Wasee tulianzishanga strike nao....tumetoka mbali....Anihuu....

Saa ii Sato ni reparation....Sijali juu ya stori lakini nta-muendea na hose-pipe!!!! Mchana, usiku lazma a-log-on to KUOGA.COM!!!

Any suggestions about the fake stori are highly welcome!! Although this bagga is as smart as they come....Kuna ii day tunauma vako na maboyzz kaa (just allow me, this figure I told you it has an agenda...) sita alafu nikamchemsha, we!! Nakwambia nilimulikwa!! Mafree-style zingine za nguvu.....hint:Alisema kitu juu ya ngamia....Si ndo maana napenda io jina ivo hihi!!

Finalli after a long search....Found the perfect gift!!! "Cheap"....Keep that information to yourself!!

Myopia. . .
Although I doubt wetha It'll improve his....Ok. lemmi wait n see....nampatia leo.....
Don b thinkin' am sam cheap jamaa noooo.....and yes....NO is the ansa to that Question if think it caused this.

Tuonaneni...

Rants from a besieged Bantu

2006-12-10T18:22:00.000+03:00

I took a detour and ended up in a foreign land, the land of....
I highly advice you to...using Bootylicious' words...."Proceed with caution", this is highly corny stuff.....somewhat disturbing.....I still can't believe I posted it......

Tribute to soul
Strolling through the streets of singleville, solo, strumming my strange serene sensation of sullen solitary seclusion...just strings of sombre & circles of slavery...with my slurry soliloquy.
I sacrificed my sweet soothing sorrow for the sotto voce sound of singing songbirds serenading seducing and swaying me to surrender......S.O.U.L.

Super sloppy

hee hee!!

Christmas Canvas

The ultimate gift, the generous Giver, the unthankful to get it,

The highest price, the highest bidder, his greatest liability(whatt??)

The mysterious trail, the ufathomable map, to destination loving peace.

Of jingling bells, sparkling dead cedars and gift-laden households,

Of backs turned from desperation,maybe haunted by commiseration....maybe,

Of rumbling stomachs,wandering, roofless n shoeless;Kalichnekov(sp) chaos, Nobel(Alfred) nasty and viral vehicular vendetta......

Merry month....

afterthought

beautiful brazzierred bosoms, brotherly bulging "busts",

Offer them on the alter of kindness for the clasp of concern,the grip of goodness,

the likes of these are the compasses of humanity.....

I promise I will rant no more

Blame it on the month!!!

I beg that that you submit any corny stuff that you might have in the comments....Pliizzz....I feel uncomfortably alone.....

".....Mau mau walishinda war wazungu wakaenda na trophy....">>UK dubbl 'O':Kama.....Angalia saa..wewe ni shujaa

Jamhuri fiti!!!

The Friggin Bells are ringin'

2006-12-07T14:22:00.000+03:00

I know its kindda small..YES!!! Its from me to you>>Yes you:

this list is in alphabetical order and case you're wondering where my Christmas spirit has resurrected from.....A young sage inspired me....told me misery court's lonely hearts.....got me thinking.....these are some of the reason I consider myself UNlonely:

Ayoafrica
Binti
Bootylishus
David
Eddie
Modo-a-thii
Potash
Stacks
Unyc
Klara
Gishugwa
s.u.p.r.e.m.e. GREAM
Lukas
Cherie
Don Quixote
Itchie G
Peks
Half n half(Nusu mbili)
Proud Nyeuthi
Couch tato
coco delights
Stwap
Minty
Xavier
Jkb
Darlom
Nordette(Miss)

So much for alphabetical order....hihi!!

Awa ni wale washikaji wame fikanga maskan yangu na wakaacha mafoot-prints,mi nawawish mwezi fiti Nyi wote...mjivijari dude(si dude ya ngoso) Du-De....yani kabisa....Na kaa sijataja jina yako, nijuu sikui-scope,we niwish mwezi fiti nitaku-organize au vipi?

For Cherie,Edd,Minty,Darklom...:That(the list) was for the peeps that have taken time to munch Bantutu's bits.....I wish y'all a month a happy month.....To the ones not on the list....I musta missd it....no worries though the Bantu's is a magician.....It'll appear at you request.

SO Y'ALL HAVE YOURSELVES ALL THE FUN YOU CAN AFFORD steer clear of Miss misery.....she's a bi-atch!

Badae...

Nasty 6! n some extras

2006-11-30T15:36:00.000+03:00

I started writing this 6 minutes to four,I was already 6 bob past the chums I'll pay at the cyber,6 cuzos(watoi)to deal with 4 a whole 3 days!!! oh yeah n I lost 6 K jana.....Ain't life just like a pink donkey...I just got crotch-crushed.
ntawaambia....I have to say I loathe this season!!!!! Na ati Dec aijaanza!!The onli bells am hearing are the Msoto ones....
On a lighter note:Is Drama y'all.....Biwott,that otha Fork-Kenya mjamaa?..Soita Shitanda?? Hihihi!! This is the stuff award-winning news is made of....
Badae...
.....Oh Yeah am back with more recent 6s.....Ebu listen....
As am writing there's 6 comments already.....its thirty 6 past 6.......and then then there's the height:>> 6 ft smthn smthn. Well its 4 less of 6 days to my cuzos' departure....
Aniway all 'o' this is a tribute to this month,I've lost 3 friends,an uncle, granpa n bro in this month in a space of......get this......6 years!!! My Christmas spirit was brutalli raped by these events and since '04 I don't go home for this particular holiday.....
The point of the mood-dampener was not to live up to its name pekee....I'se got some wisdom ppl...so Listen up!! Merry-making and making merry is all good but we should all realise that not all share in the stereo-type purpose of the holiday.....and its the majority that have no choice in the way they spend this time.....even the 1s that so desire to join in the festivities. Take for example this kid(13) from our Mtaa,the mathe "flew" last week and please note that she won't be pearching any time soon, he's fresh from Primo,2 sisters,no dad.....yani you get the picture....so what am trying to say is that if you are going to go through this holiday(and this by the way is a declaration from the Lord of the sixS) unconcerned about....we jijazie....Well this brings me to what am doing with my Dec.....
Festo yani Festus-the mkidi- is going to have a Bantu flavoured life this Dec,am going to.....make his life as livable a Heaven as I can.....of course with the permission of his 'loving' Aunt....
Enyewe niliwanga nataka tu kuwashow mkumbuke kukumbukana kaa venye mmekumbukwa na wenye wamewakumbuka.......au vipi?
************** *******************
Aaaah! this marshy stuff has made me hungry!
I always wondered how Guiness n Loaf wuld react with my taste buds na ka umejaribu nisave agony ya kuwonder......Ati Guiness!.... na Venye nimesota!!!
Nani ashaai onja muratina?!!.....sweet like my neighbour's Chapos
Mend the ribbon ppl, AIDS is fast losing the war,We will sign no peace treaties,We will be relentless,We will Suit up!!....((((((((echo from Nusu's blog(((((((((
Eventful December people...I'll be papa hapa...unless Potash has smthn out of this world planned?
Case u wanted 2 know..... >>>flew<<>>Died......

Sob-Ward

2006-11-27T16:06:00.000+03:00

"Waaaaaaaatuuuuuu!! Mnajua niaje.....the Bantu is Distressed"....
Recent events have left me,usually a man of Iron-steel-lead-n-all-'em-otha-hard-ass-metals-out-there nerves now a mass of pityful and sadly painstakingly painful regrets. Why did I venture into the dark abyss that is psych-female-entanglement(Yani the one of word-play with promises of bigger things to come). They(Izzeni wa-she lakini Bantutu lazma a-vent) get all up in your head and mess with the controls up there and they leave you a mulfunctioning dummy!!Stori of old...I know I know!! But my coronary-engine is not well....so HELP!!!
I will not reveal the origin of the repucussions but I will tell you I apologised. In fact I did it soooo....no it was only 3 times......lakini niliziwahi(yani ma-pole) dezine ingine kaa assasin-Lee Harvey Oswald kando. Saa si mgirls analenga Bantutu kaa streets za Jeri githaa ya black. Lakini ni fiti tu, ivi ndo wathii hugrow majanjaure alafu walefa wanaanza vitimbi!! Ati "We siku izi unacamm home late....">>Ala!Jamaa ameji-organize "we tinda o hau!!".
So aniway my dilemma was simple enough: I'm wondering wetha moving on means aKsin her why the frozen shoulder she be giving me ama I just move on.....man I was in so deep, the latter is unfortunately too hard for me to pull off with out some outside coercion...namely thee.
Please play shrink to this Bantu he needs some thing to work with......
Oh n b4 I 4get Y'all reading this shuld visit Sisbigbones she needs ur support.....
Oh well even if you think this is highly overrated-yani the sob-story-and you are of the opinion that I should man up and....we ji-release nikuhisi.....

Its back to my self-absorbed singleness.......4 now..

Poets

2006-11-24T18:25:00.000+03:00

Ok. I always thought hiphop was cool what with all the bob-your-head-to-it beats, the moves>>>Lean with it....But that ppl is just the(and I say this in awe of all 'em hiphop heads out there:Its just my uneducated take so don't bite my head off!! Ya herrrrD??) superficial "crap" I'd for so long called hiphop.....until...I got acquinted with hiphop poetry personified in these 3 kings:

Common.....and I thought he only did that hiphop-element-thing for the Neo-Soul Goddesses>>Likes of Jill Scott,Floetry...Blalalintutu.....Then I heard his free-style...Oooooh,this guy's dope!! Lissen to that 8 minutes to sunrise track...you'll get wat am gussin'about

Oooh n If you're wondering I really don't like Jay-Z that much(Cherie I know where your loyalties lie as regards to him..heehee!).

Culprit number Two is Mister Most Definite....Mister Multi-Talented....well him>> >>> >> >> >>>>------------------->>>>>>>

He also has affiliations with the neo-soul music-sphere[again Jill Scott],and I totalli adore his flow...

...And finalli mister soft-spoken boish-voiced Talib Kweli. Needless to say he also has some neo-soul bones in his anatomy there'sthis track he did in praise of Lauryn Hill...Wassup with that??,He's done Erykah Badu(yani a collabo,nansens!!).

Well that's Bantutu and hiphop...I think I'll stick 2 Mugithi....these things are hard!!

"You stopping us is preposterous like an androgynous misogynist,you picking the wrong time, stepping to me when I'm in my primelike Optimus, Transforming..."

~Kweli~

Phenomenal Ha?

So you like???

WaPI(finished!!!)

2006-11-14T11:52:00.000+03:00

Well wat can I say....
if you weren't there....U were where???
I have no pixx from the thing but....
.....Kidogo nitaimaliza....

Well here's the thing.....Am invited to this thing-WaPI I've heard of it b4 lakini I rememba very little 'bout it. So its slated for a weekend(I think its the last b4 this one)...Its 1 o those kill-2-birds-with-1-stone affairs....n I go I mean I went!

Klara here's you're Swa....

Saa mi nliwanga naland kitu 1, apo ivo British Council(io ndo iliwanga venue). Nilikuwa nime-shoiwa ati ii samo iliwanga sare so confidenss iliwanga mwadhara. Kwa gate nakuta awa freesk wawili,man wananiscope nikaa nataka kurausha umati. So sinikajidu faceless nataka kuingia.Mmoja akanisimamisha na ka-metal detector. Akanifagia na io kitu lakini aku-detect chuma ndani yangu(By the way izo vitu ziu-du job aje, juu niliwanga na funguo kwa mfuko...).

Saa si nikaingia ndani....ii ngoma ya Beyonce ati Dejavu ndo iliwanga ina-play.

Mahamu zikaanza kuniwinda so mi nikaapproach....Jamaa nakuta fashion show bana!!

Ebu chekini izi gown kwanza

Izo zingine zilikataa kuload....

Hihi!!

You see that guy over there.....noo not there I mean the one pretending he's sitting down but is not seated OVER THERE!....that one.....yeah, its not me..

Alafu Bafu Chafu chafaad the stage...

Uu jamaa alijazz wathii mbaya!kwanza mstari flani aliwanga anasema ati: "Bafu ameingia bling bling beware"....ama kitu kaa io siezi kumbuka exact!!!

Doba(Yani reggea) ni lugha ya ghetto....[Ok thats just me tryin to fill this space..hihi! ...ati lugha ya ghetto....lakini ni ukweli....Emcee alisema kitu kaa io]

B'o'rrrn 'em b'o'rrrn em!!

Riasta man imago tell you go Burrrn 'em!!!

Plow plow plow!!

I rememba sain' smthn like that.....

Y'all shulda seen me...

Alafu this shuldda bin a picture of

Ukoo Flani bewitching the crowd.

Respect kibao kwa ao majamaa....

Girongi ako fore ground...

Kama next

alafu jamaa wa Wenyeji.....

Apa panafaa kuwa na wasanii wotoi.....
@£#~!!Nakwambia wali.....atasijui acha tu niseme mi niliaibika mbaya!!!

I credit campusvibe.The theme was Slum Village....
Go check it out.....

Apologies to Cherie......many apologies.....wunt happen again...lol! Eiish!! NTV imea.....ooops...I mean...has started airing Aljezeera!! I like the....Ok I just like it coz its middle eastern and the name sounds realli cool....Au vipi?
Badae!!

Roaches!!!

2006-11-06T17:02:00.000+03:00

Hey clean people!

Well during a recent "General cleaning" notice how we coin up fancy names to disguise the fact that we'd been lavishing in filth..corporate restructuring..systems overhaul..."general",Ha!..at my current maskan, my mind got pushed down memory slope.....

The day was obviously a Saturday.

The place was my.....aaaah aunt's.....

....and well am doin' the general cleanin thing in the worst of places ....her store!

Aisee the dark 8 by 15 foot room was the epitome for economy of space.....and gettin' to the back of the store was like tryin to get your phone re-connected by the telkom people....

That and the smell(I have to date not encountered it again)....were enough to coax me never to try and act all politically correct and pay my aunt a coutesy call.

The time was 10:30>>You don't oversleep at my aunt's..

Well this righhere was my assignment....clean it.....or should I say generally clean it. But whether this was just another one of her punishments for knocking on her door late(which according to her is past 8:30) and having her almost suffer a cardiac arrest-night visits in Njooro don't allow for multiple guesses-or just another one of her well thought out schemes to have one of her nephews stay over(she lavvvvd me and my 2 other cousins coz we hailed from town) for an extra night,I just did't bother to ponder.

The task at hand:

Move yani drag the magunias.......fertilizer(heavy,heavi,heavvvi!),potatoes(aaaah manageable),maize(piece of cake!). So I start the dragging....I had done kedo like 6 of them then an Idea....."Move gunia wash floor patch then move gunia back"......so the broom.....then the rag.....clean!.....then move them back. That was the routine till I had reached like a foot to the back-wall......I rememba(vividly might I add)...... screaming like a little girl and sain' smthn like "Maitu Jesu Muthaka!!!!" .....when my eyeballs connected with the nasty critters.....I kid you not Roaches scare the living shit out of my pants. Their shiny exoskeleton....they fly(aimamayooo!!).....they are fast as hell......hungry almost always......I HATE ROACHES!!! in every sense of the word but majorly literally.

So what to do, what to do? Place back the gunias nicely and cover up the roaches' coop as best as I can. Well this was going so well even the darn'd roaches weren't bothered by the dragging until my aunt. She, apparently felt that I should take a brief "breakfast break",breakfast? you may ask....my uncle's demise carved a new lifestyle out of her and she acquired a really "revolutionary" mind-set.This was just one of the myriad of things she started doing differently....breakfast after "earning" it.

The Nduma n Dubia(sugarless tea) combined with her startling presence colluded to make me momentarily forget the roaches......and the potatoes that had issued from one of the loosely sealed potato gunias.....what ensued was the cementing of my roachophobia.

I fell backwards straight on the things.....I don't know how I got up and started running,frantically might I add, waving my hands like I was on fire.....[the store is still 8 by 15 feet so my burst of speed was short-lived].... The wall was welcomin....
Next thing I rememba was my aunt laughing over me as I lay in that 8 by 15 cuboid.
Case you're wondering the next time I ventured to her abodes was during the recent clashes....on a rescue mission...

.....So aniway thats when I remembered what I'd forgotten to buy on my monthly shopping.....Mortein

now I ask>>WHAT TICKS YOU OFF!!

ATR

2006-10-30T17:59:00.000+03:00

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it was always occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament.
"Sir," she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise NOT to touch any of the buttons on the wall". He did what he needed to and as he sat there, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.
He pushed the WW button and warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.
A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies restroom was surely more than a restroom, it was tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button
which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
The next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed and a nurse was looking down at him pitifully."What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."
"The ATR button is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your genitals are under your pillow."
In case you're wondering.....The guy was a Kenyan. Yani am doin' pink!!!

Blog Alert!!!

2006-10-30T13:19:00.000+03:00

Check Out Ahmadinejad's Blog....

Kwa links zangu: "the Iranian big guy"

See you not so soon labda after Wednesday

am bizi as you may or may not know...

Ok. Like Later.....sawa?

2006-10-29T16:43:00.000+03:00

All's shaky that ends Well!
NimeClear!!

2006-10-26T19:08:00.000+03:00

SAWA THE NEXT time you're in fix....

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker" "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, Iam just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died" "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?""From eating rottenmeat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught fire." "What the.....!!!But theres electricity at te house!!!! What was the candle for???" "For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!" "Your mother's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her."

You know those funny forwards??? This was one of them....but you have to admit darn'd funni stuff ha?

2006-10-17T12:32:00.000+03:00

Musing over the plight of the "Wachuuzi"
Hello people!!!
In light of the recent:Hawker Hocus Pocus -which by the way went down as I was kwendaain maskan(diggs):
They:-
Banned hawking in town....Isn't hawking a major ingredient in the multi-faceted Nai Urban culture?He he! Smthn has to be sed He HE!

Banned buying from hawkers....A fine of Ten thousand? C'mooooon! The guy's just tryin to survive....and the sentence....was it 3 months?You're joking right?

Initiated a city-wide hawker-hunt......Mob sympathies for that jamaa I saw on the news Jana(Yaani Wednesday 17th)....the guy was tough lakini;He wasn't flinching from the Freesks'(cop's) blows...

Aggrevated Mungiki,maybe resurrected it?...."Its the word on the street"(which street, you may ask)....Just trust me.....Mungiki....but shhhhh! they might hear you

Relocated them to Ngara.....to that I say.....REALLY???!

MADE THE CITY MORE BEAUTIFUL???[wasn't that the aim of the exercise??] that's a question that can best be answered by the man from Thika....

Ponder people......just ponder.

2006-10-06T16:28:00.000+03:00

NUCLEAR HOODWINK....
So Did you guys here that the kablast[NORTH KOREA] was so trivial the Frenchies(AGAIN:These guys are on fire this year!Rememba Bin Laden??....Typhoid!Ha!) Aniways they don't classify the blast as "NUCULEAR". Ati Kim Jong'.... was>>>well les jas say he was >>Watch....

Heee Heee! Recenyse!!
......These guy jus jazzes me.....You know he's even written Oprah,never bean beaten in tennis and he recently xtended his prowess into golf....I'll be back with the Stats......U gotta love the guy!! Ati Bomb!!! More like gastric expression!!!LOL!

2006-10-03T12:02:00.000+03:00

Bantu-tu & the Smooch
Ok here goes....
So like 1 and a half miakas back wen I had a social life and Raila was in the government, I realli felt like I was on top of the world and aah..... I musta bin coz believe it or not I even had a girl.
You know having a person that knows you in and out besides being unmentionably scary is also kindda cool, but that,reader, is besides the point.
I am one of those shy jamaas and naturally I have issues with eye-contact, public shows of affection, and I realli laugh wen someone touches the back of my neck, but what really gets me going is smooching.
Don laugh but I have zero credits wen it come to smooching-you know how on Telly you see folks teenagers inclusive! ati: "the awkward momentent at the end of the date where the jamaa doesn't know wetha to go for it[the smooch that is] ama just settle for a disappointing peck on her red and -I MEAN RED-cheeks"
Well people picture this, I have this hot mamasita(my girl,case you forgot) out for a date{The writer reserves the right to refuse to disclose any information pertaining to the venue}. And me am of the old-fashioned race where we take it slow,real slow....So wen its regretfully the end of the really cool evening,I start getting panic attacks,and in my head am like: "Am never watching a romantic comedy again with a chik".....Sh*t we're at her door already!!!
So there i am a mess i every sense of the word since I was also on the verge of exploding in my pants-did I mention she was hot? She begins the all too familiar speech "I really had a good time tonight"...Then I get this bright idea and am like "It doesn't have to end just yet....we culd...aaah I don't know -walk some more- or smthn" This time am looking all round me as if some unknown invisible nani is roaming around me.....then it comes >>the last thing I want to hear: ati "I can't, I have to wake up early tommorow"... Oh my G!!! "You are so screwed brothaman!!!screwed bigtime!!"
Ugly memories suddenly come rushing into my head like water down a rapid; "Hey hey! you're biting my lips"
,"What are you tryin to do??!!",.......in a word:UGLY!

Pucker up boy friend-is gon be the ride o' yo life....Different time..different chick,Oh what the hell!....now am like: "So this is it?Ha?"...Her:"Yep!" ....."Well how 'bout that gudnite kiss miss?"......This is what I realli sed: "Well aaah I gess I'll be heading home now;chao."
I musta hit a nerve coz the next thing I rememba hiarin, was the biting-my-lip thingy mixd with silly giggling.
"Whoosh,3-pointer! Whus the main man?"

Well folks,I guess what am tryin to say is: osculation isn't such a bad experience afterall......It was like the first pinch of sugar from mum's jar. I neva understood how I actualli managed to pull it off,coz I'd always tried to simulate the lip movements with my fingers and it just dint make any sense!
All of this must beg the question what was the darned point?!!!
Honestly.....beats me.

2006-09-26T17:27:00.000+03:00

By the way this darn'd clock jast wunt songa anibody with any ideas???!!! Stack? Pecks? All o y'all

2006-09-25T18:45:00.000+03:00

So this is actualli ma debut post and am realli pumped!!![umph! Umph! Umph!] Can you feel it..... So aniway I'm jas hopin for some gud old-fashion'd small talk before I get some thing interesting to say.....And mind you I will so If you are reading this "HOLD YOUR BRETH".
Aniway I know you're probabli getting tired so tell mi du you prefer [this by the way was due to a total lack of smthn betta to write] Watching a play ama jass goin to the movies. Kama umefika this point I admire your resillience, jass bonga plizzz [grovelling] even if its totalli unrelated>>Let yourself loose!